A Collection Of Quotes

"The kinship of man with Christ should be a source of great humility, as well as deep joy." Narnia Explored, Paul A. Karkainen



"The first time that you turn around and walk out of a disrespectful conversation, you will probably surprise and maybe even offend the other person. But it will also set a standard for being in a relationship with you. If the person you walked out on wants to keep you in the room during your next conversation, then he will have to manage himself to honor your standard. Words make appeals, actions create requirements" Danny Silk


"God uses broken things. It takes broken soil to produce a crop, broken clouds to give rain, broken grain to give bread, broken bread to give strength. It is the broken alabaster box that gives forth perfume. It is Peter, weeping bitterly, who returns to greater power than ever."

- Vance Havner


"Something happens when you stand where giants have been slain, something happens when you stand in the momentum set by a previous generation, and you realize that your life has been redefined because it's not about you. Its about something that was set in motion a long time ago. We are merely the ones who are now holding the sword, and its time for the servant and the weapon to become one. And as we stand in that place, something happens as this man Eleazer, is exhausted beyond human reason and yet he was able to stand in a place conquering in the name of the Lord because he stood where giants were slain. And that is where the Lord has called us to, is to recognize the momentum of past victories." Bill Johnson

From the msg., "Living A Life Of Breakthrough"


“Aslan" said Lucy "you're bigger".
"That is because you are older, little one" answered he.
"Not because you are?"
"I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger".” C.S. Lewis; Chronicles of Narnia.

Ingmar Bergman, who was not a believer. He said: "It is my opinion that art lost its creative urge the moment it was separated from worship."

“It isn't Narnia, you know," sobbed Lucy. "It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?" "But you shall meet me, dear one," said Aslan. "Are -are you there too, Sir?" said Edmund. "I am," said Aslan. "But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.” ― C.S. Lewis, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

“The weaknesses, failures, and sins of our family are the places where we learn that we need grace too. It is there, in those dark mercies, that God teaches us to be humbly dependent. It is there that He draws near to us and sweetly reveals His grace. Paul's suffering teaches us to reinterpret our thorn. Instead of seeing it as a curse, we are to see it as the very thing that keeps us "pinned close to the Lord.” - Elyse M. Fitzpatrick

We are deluged with information. News of disasters in lands previously unknown pours into our souls; wars with horrific photos flood our consciousness. The burden of the world’s suffering exceeds our capacity to ingest it; our hearts harden in self-defense. We are over-eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of good and evil; it is killing us. Yet, there is a garden not far from us. In it is the Tree of Life and the River of Life flows through it. Let us daily eat of its fruit and quench our thirst with the cool of this river. Yes, let us weep with those who weep, but let us make our home with Christ in the Garden of Life. Francis Frangipane


“To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” -Timothy Keller

I served the Lord with great humility and with tears and in the midst of
severe testing... Acts 20:19


“For there is hope for a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that its shoots will not cease. Though its root grow old in the earth, and its stump die in the soil, yet at the scent of water it will bud and put out branches like a young plant.
Job 14:7-9

"If you are not anchored in the goodness of God, you will lower your theology to match your pain."  Chirsta Black Gifford

 "What's lost is nothing to what's found, and all the death that ever was, set next to life, would scarcely fill a cup." Frederick Buechner

John Wimber-"Remember, it is the office that finds the man, not the man who finds the office. If the man is busy claiming the office I'd question the call as God doesn't need our advertising.."

It is a great thing to enter the inner chamber, and shut the door, and meet the Father in secret.
It is a greater thing to open the door again, and go out, in an enjoyment of that presence which nothing can disturb.
Andrew Murray, Prayer's Inner Chamber

We come to Christ and a new day begins. Yet with the Lord the day does not start at sunrise; it begins at evening (Gen. 1:5). It is here, as evening turns to night, that some panic. Yet, it is during this night that God teaches us to walk by faith not sight. It is during this time, where we can hear but cannot see, that we learn to live by God’s word, which He whispers “in the darkness” (Matt. 10:27). Dawn will come, beloved. When it breaks, you will see how God has made you a true person of faith. And the word you heard whispered in darkness – that still small voice – you will proclaim “in the light.” For what changed you, will change others also. Francis Frangipane


The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less.
Tim Keller

"Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention.

They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where, if your soul is to be saved, you should go next."
Frederick Buechner, Whistling in the Dark

George MacDonald noted: “Perhaps, indeed, the better the gift we pray for, the more time is necessary for its arrival. To give us the spiritual gift we desire, God may have to begin far back in our spirit, in regions unknown to us, and do much work that we can be aware of only in the results. . . .”

“Writing is a process in which we discover what lives in us. The writing itself reveals what is alive. The deepest satisfaction of writing is precisely that it opens up new spaces within us of which we were not aware before we started to write.” Henri Nouwen

"Everything is gestation and bringing forth. To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own intelligence, and wait with deep humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity: that alone is living the artist's life. Being an arist means not reckoning and counting, but ripening like the tree which does not force its sap, and stands confident in the storms of spring without the fear that after them may come no summer. It does come. But it comes only to the patient, who are there as though eternity lay before them so unconcernedly still and wide."
"Letters To A Young Poet"

Rainer Maria Rilke


"No place, however shadowed or sordid, can hide us. It is in those places, where we least expect Him, that He comes most fully." Relentless Pursuit, Ken Gire

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. Isaiah 58:8

"The good will be larger than the suffering it redeems."
From: "Three lessons on Suffering"
By: William J. Stuntz

"You shall live to see these days renewed".
King Theoden -
"The Return Of The King"

"What do you fear my lady?" asked Aragorn. "A cage. To be behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire." replied Eowyn. "You are a daughter of kings, a sheildmaiden of Rohan. I do not think that will be your fate." replied Aragorn.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going." Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me, you will you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." John 14:1-7


Then Gandalph said: "Let us not stay at the door, for the time is urgent. Let us enter! For it is only in the coming of Aragorn that any hope remains for the sick that lie in the House. Thus spake Ioreth.. "The hands of the king are the hands of a healer, and so shall the rightful king be known.." Suddenly Faramir stirred..."My lord, you called me. I come. What does the king command?" "Walk no more in the shadows, but awake!" said Aragorn.."I will, my lord," said Faramir. "For who would lie idle when the king has returned?" -Tolkien

"The royal official said, "Sir, come down before my child dies." Jesus replied, "You may go. Your son will live." The man took Jesus at his word and departed. John 4:49-50

"I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had ever happened", said Frodo. "So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for us to decide.
All we have to decide is what to do with the time given us". replied Gandalph

..."Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what it ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 3:13-14

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised...therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out before us and let us fix our eyes on Jesus the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross...Hebrews 11:39, 12:1-2


"Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.”
― Brene Brown, "The Gifts of Imperfection"


Graham Hess (Mel Gibson) in "Signs": People break down into two groups. When they experience something lucky, group number one sees it as more than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is someone up there, watching out for them. Group number two sees it as just pure luck. Just a happy turn of chance. I'm sure the people in group number two are looking at those fourteen lights in a very suspicious way. For them, the situation is a fifty-fifty. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills... them with fear. Yeah, there are those people. But there's a whole lot of people in group number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle. And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone there to help them. And that fills them with hope. See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky? Or, look at the question this way: Is it possible that there are no coincidences?

"God sometimes denies our prayers for silver, because He wants to give us gold". Martin Luther

"May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Oh Lord, My Rock and My Redeemer." Psalm 19:14

"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."
― Maya Angelou

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us dragons can be beaten." -G.K.Chesterton 

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face if marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly..."- Teddy Roosevelt

Wind Of Joy

"Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.  You will increase my honor and comfort me once again."  Psalm 71:20

 

"You number my wanderings; put my tears into your bottle; are they not in your book?" Psalm 56:8

 

"I am weary in groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with tears." Psalm 6:6

 

"Hear my prayer O Lord; and give ear to my cry; do not be silent at my tears..."  Psalm 39:12

 

"My tears have been my food day and night..." Psalm 42:3

 

"Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy." Psalm 126:5 

 

"When I tried to understand all this, it was oppressive to me till I entered the sanctuary of God..." Psalm 73:16-17

 

"You guide me with Your counsel and afterward you will take me into glory.  Whom have I in heaven but you?  And earth has nothing I desire beside you.  My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:24-26

 

 

I don't know what your story is.  I don't know what your trials are, your battles and burdens.  What you carry inside that no one else see's, unless they are discerning enough to see the pain behind your smile.  There is, however, no one who is without pain on some level.  Be it physical, emotional, mental, spiritual.  Pain on any level is its own - story. 

 

 

As I was reading the Psalms tonight, I found myself drawn to the many words that calculate the journey of such pain... as I listened to the words spoken here, I found my own storyline mingled in the pain.  And in that mingling, moved to share some of that story here.

 

 

Some battles, some wrestling matches, are easier to talk about than others.  I will be honest, this is one that is not easy for me.  See, first, I don't "wrestle with flesh and blood, but against principalities, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."  Ephesians 6:12


Therefore, it is not a person that I am wrestling with, nor is it about the person.  It is about what can be brought against me to disarm and disable me, on every level.  And some things just don't need to be entertained as to being worthy of a wrestling match.  That too, takes discernment.  But, there are moments when we are weak, and we are strong, or feel weak and believe we are weaker than we really are.  Moments that we are completely undone and in the undoing, we find ourselves nakedly sitting, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and maybe for some, physically.... and at times, for some all at one time. 

 

What do you do in that moment? 

 

Though a myriad of choices and responses one makes.... yes, at the end of the day... what are you feeling? 

 

For me, the other night, it was a night of feeling weary... so much so that all my ability to stay on the mat of life and enter into any further wrestling match was simply one of surrender.  I sat that night midst dim light on my desk so saturated with sorrow, that I could barely lift my normally able to voice in song that night.  But ... I did... barely.  And as I did, while listening to some worship music, I felt the sweet drawing close of Jesus presence through His Holy Spirit.  I could feel the tangible touch of His presence in my hands, a warmth and almost a tingling like feeling that just came with tremendous love. 

As I sat there... almost numb emotionally, and His presence washed upon my hands, I heard the sweet and sovereign whisper's of His Spirit's voice speak to me and say.... "go lay your hands on your son and pray..."   I had so little I felt to offer in that moment... but out of obedience and faith, I went.

 

 

In sweet slumber there he lay, as the worship was playing over Him.  And the song, "I'm praying for the Soulbreather, to breath on me."  (The Soulbreather being Jesus).  As I tenderly laid my hands upon his head and back, I felt the trembling as an earthquake begin to move my abdomen, as the tears pushed like a tsunami out of me.  And the kind of almost violent cry that was silently moving through me without a voice, but anyone looking onward would have seen the heaving movement of my abdomen bouncing up and down.  Then my face was washed wet with tears.  Then I began to pray in the gift of tongues, that He has so generously and lovingly given me.  (Acts 2; 1 Corinthians 12,14) 

 

I felt so weak, and so overcome with my tears and praying just came out of that pain... in that moment... it was easier for me too.  I didn't have to think of what to pray, I didn't have the words to pray... I had only my spirit through which He prayed through me. (Romans 8:26-27) 

 

 

I'm amazed in those moments,  how close to me He comes.  How much I know, He is right there with me.  When you get to know and understand how He never leaves you, nor forsakes you, (Deuteronomy 31:6) and really believe that... there is so much comfort in knowing that in our pain, He is there.

 

 

In that late hour of the night, weeping and waiting, praying and pressing through, I had no idea what impact if any, I was making.  But wait, that is just it... it's not me, nor is it ever about me.  See, it was not about what "I" was "doing," but rather it was about my obedience and surrender in that moment for me.  It was about letting my desperate need for Him to come and break through something that was far greater than myself, because again, I was not wrestling with flesh...with blood... but darkness. 

I could then come in all my brokenness to a Father and King and Beloved lover of my soul, and bring all of that pain and tears to Him... on behalf of what I was wrestling with.  Even though there was nothing of myself, apart from Him, that I could bring.  It was what I brought in Him through me, that He was able to use. 

 

The next day... there was a shift in something about my innermost being.  Something about Seth, too... that was full of something more... a peace and a calm that I felt, noticed in him.  It was distinct enough that, I couldn't say exactly what it was, but enough that I knew it was supernatural in origin. 

 

Beneath the uncertain sky's where the winds were blowing anxiously, we were walking along the road to go and pet some kitties at the house down the street. Suddenly in that beautiful prayer language I spoke of earlier, I was singing a song as though I had known it all my life, ... it was a long song, that just kept coming.  And though I know not what I sang of, I felt the peace of His Kingdom all over it.  I even caught Seth staring off as he pet the kitty, listening with this peace about him.  I felt something of Him, doing more of something in us. 

 

There is something beautiful and sacred, all our own between Him and us, when we enter into the sanctuary of God.  That sanctuary between you and Him... where the secret place becomes a sacred place.  And you encounter the living God of the universe in a way that is all for you. That though you feel troubles of many kinds surround you, and your tears become your food, there is a sanctuary of His Presence that is the One Thing that sustains and strengthens, satisfies and soaks a weary, drenched soul.  Allowing then your soul to align more and more with His Spirit. 

It is in those very moments He guides us, through our tears, through our pain, into the counsel of His Wisdom.  It comes in many ways... sometimes through nature, or a movie, or a phone call unexpected, maybe for you it is through a moment in the store watching something happen, or a commercial that brings tears, or His Holy Word, prayer, worship, song and art, depression or despair, joy and jubilation... so many ways we might encounter the counsel of His Spirit.  We must be looking, listening...

 

"Whom have I in heaven but you?

 

Earth has nothing I desire besides You.

 

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart-

 

and my portion forever.

 

Those who are far from you will perish...

 

But as for me, it is good to be near, You-

 

I have made You, the Sovereign Lord my refuge;

 

I will tell of all Your deeds."

 

Psalm 25-28

 

 



"God Sighting"

"Watch for God!"  "Watch for a God Sighting, this week!"  This was one of the things at Vacation Bible School that we were encouraged to watch for this week.... moments where we see God on the move! 

As we were heading to VBS Wednesday evening, gentle drops of rain began to fall.  The sky was full of charcoal greys and blues, and all hues in-between.  The cadence of the clouds spoke attentively to the brewing, looming downpours up ahead.  The whiteout of the freeway just a mile further gave it away.

Out to right, the western sky moved the clouds in a beautiful cadence to the rays of the sun shimmering into the rain.  Whether I wanted to or not, there was no doubt that I was headed right into the stormy gale. 

It was a moment that lathered upon itself the unexpected.  A tapestry of movement that can have both; brilliant sun shining forth with demand to behold its glory, while at the same time the stormy echo upon the walls of the clouds, demand its voice be heard. 

Sure enough, I rode right into the onslaught of the white-out downpour.  The windshield wipers were now going faster it seemed, than the cars. 

As I gazed out to the west again, noticing the fast moving storm, I caught the brilliant sun again.  I saw that the glory of it was about to shine out into the east all the clearer as soon as the storm cloud passed by... this while the downpour was upon me. 

"Seth, look... out your window to the east, and watch for the rainbow." 

Ducking my head to see through my passenger side window, I caught the beauty of the rainbow that has cascaded across the eastern stormy sky.  Beaming with promise's.

Until the perfectly timed, 18 wheeler, began to drive even slower than me right to the side of our car, blocking now our entire view of the rainbow.  I couldn't even slow down fast enough to still see it, but rather it was as if he intentionally went my speed so as to maintain the blockage of our view. 

A glimpse.

Just a glimpse.

Just a glimpse, is all that we saw of that beautifully timed moment.  A moment we were even prepared to see coming. 

And it was gone.

Or was it?

Was it really gone?  Or was it maybe that just the circumstances that met our moment, are what caused it to appear to be gone?

Was this a God sighting?

There is another story that I think of and that is the story of another storm.  Another moment when the clouds were blocking the sun and the storm was so torrential that while the men upon the boat were trying to survive it, they were met with what appeared to be a "ghost."  But, it wasn't a ghost.  It was actually, Jesus.  A God sighting.  He was walking on the water approaching them in the boat and Peter caught the gaze of Jesus, and with all his faith said, "Master, if it is you tell me to come to you on the water."  And Peter did.  He got out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.  But, when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him, "you of little faith, " he said, "why did you doubt?"
(Matthew 14)

As I drove alongside that semi truck, with the rainbow no longer in view, I was immediately seeing this story in my minds eye. 

See, just like Peter who by way of the fear of the wind, the circumstances that rose up against him, blocked his view of Jesus, so do the 18 wheeler size force of circumstances come alongside our life and block our view of our promises in God, too.  They obscure and completely many times, eliminate any ability to see the evidence of what it was we know we saw, or what we know we heard, read, believed.... and how does it come, what is at the root of that blocking our view? 

Fear.  And we make agreement with it by way of our doubt.

It will be and has always been one of the greatest if not the greatest strategy's of the enemy's ways to steal our faith in the promises we have been given.  This is one of the reasons Peter was unable to keep walking on the water, the winds of fear hit his back and front so hard that the waves of that fear obscured his view of His savior of which he only moments ago had the faith for. 

I pondered, mused over the stormy ride and the promise of His presence and goodness that I felt well up in my spirit; as I saw that after we finally passed that semi, the rainbow had passed too.  It was no longer there.

It is easy for one to immediately think, that because my view was obscured, that the moment wasn't really "real."  It didn't really happen.  Or, if it did, that it didn't really mean anything.  It had no real impact, really.  And, to conclude that process of thinking I could be deceived into agreeing with the idea that, as a result of that circumstance blocking my view of Him, that he is no longer there.   Making it too scary now to "come out on the water's" of life.  Letting fear and doubt not only determine my actions, but then empower the lie that He is no longer there in that place for me.  Leaving me to tend to a storm that is nothing but filled with fear and doubt, "alone".  That it just might have been a "ghost" sighting, instead. 

But, isn't that just actually more ridiculous than believing what I know I saw, and that is that I saw an entire rainbow filled with promise stretched across the entire eastern sky, just moments prior?  That, what God wanted to speak in that short moment was actually a word for a lifetime?  That, maybe that window of time, that opened in the sky's was a window of time opening from the heaven's to remind me that, semi size circumstances cannot take away what I know to be there? 

That He is with me through every storm... and every scary sky and horizon?  Through every wind that comes against me?!?

You may not see this as a God sighting, or maybe you have one of your own, God sightings...  but I hope that after reading this little short story about such notions.... well, actually, huge reality's in my life... that you just might yourself, begin to ask and look and wait and watch for your own,
God sightings! 

And if you have one, let me know... I'd love to hear from you!

His Patient Pursuit

Every day for the past couple weeks I have woken in a place of tenderness and tears.  Jesus is doing a new thing in me, and sometimes, the depth of that is overwhelming.  Sort of a “meltdown” kind of overwhelming.  

As we walked through the sweets and spice isle today at the grocery store, my little guy also had a meltdown.  Seeing this I sat down on the cold white tiled floor, opened my arms wide as he cried while waiting for him to choose, my embrace.  His choices previous to this were part of what led to the meltdown… but this moment would go no further without him feeling once again, safe.

Meltdowns always make us feel a bit unsafe inside… don’t they?

As we sat behind the blue cart, right in front of the spices, other carts moving slowly down the aisle, I slowly rocked him back and forth, and began to quietly pray.  He cried… I wanted to cry… and almost did.  After about 15 minutes of holding and rocking, we were on our way.  Everything was just right again.

Until I went to pay for my groceries.  

“You are such a kind man to your customer’s,” I told the older Indian man who was full of welcoming cheer and kindness.  “Aw, you just made my day, honey.” he replied in a tone of joy and comfort.

While unloading my cart he was ringing up my items.  “I have a limit of (and I named an amount) to spend,” I told him.    As we continued on, he saw that I went over my limit, while still having one last item on the black belt.  An item I didn’t need today, but saved in case I had enough after everything else to get.  The kind man saw this.  He suddenly entered in a discounted code for a coupon that was exactly $5.00 off my total, bringing it just one dollar below my limit.  I had no coupon.  He just typed in some numbers, and suddenly it was five dollars less.    

I saw this.  He said nothing about it.  I said nothing, but in my heart I knew I would make sure I said something as I left, inconspicuously so that the previous customer didn’t pick up on what was just given to me, “in secret.”

Swiping my money card through the machine the total came back as owing a balance of $13.67.  I didn’t understand.  My money card only took so much of the total.  Why?  I suddenly panicked thinking, “Oh, no, I have spent all of what was in the account.  I can’t swipe it again as he suggested, that will put me in the negative.”  Being now in panic mode about not only do I not have the money in our account, not only is our account depleted, but now I have to rummage through these bags and put back thirteen some dollars back.  

“How much does she need?” said the woman who looked old enough to be my mother.  I immediately said, “Oh, no, that’s okay.. really, it’s okay.”

“How much does she need?” she asked again.  She then proceeded to hand the man $15.00.  I turned to her in tears and hugged her. “You must know Jesus,” I whispered through my tears.  

“Just enjoy it!” she replied.  “You have no idea the deep work He is doing in me, really… this is so incredible.”  I told her.  “Oh, enjoy it, and don’t make me cry.” as her eyes were outlined in water.  

The kind Indian man at this point is putting all those grocery’s in my cart and steps around my cart and reaches to give me a hug, and pulls me close and says…”It’s a beautiful day out there today, the sun is shining.  You go have yourself a wonderful day, it’s all gonna be okay!”  

I was weeping in this mans shoulder… I felt my tummy moving from the crying.  I was so loved in that moment.  

I had a meltdown.  And that woman and man, scooped their love around my heart right into theirs and loved on me.  Strangers… seeing something of a moment where the fragrance of life, the spices of such love, immediately fill a moment.  Others were watching, too, just like I’m sure they were in the aisle with Seth.  I didn’t care.

What I gave Seth in that moment, was given to me… one hundred fold.  Or so it felt.  

Now, you want to hear a secret?  The really amazing part that I have not yet shared.  Seth drew me a picture the other night, well for Daddy and Mommy and then decided he wanted to give it to Daddy.  Which was so sweet.  However, it was a picture of birds flying in the sky next to a big tree that looks to me like an Oak Tree.  If you know anything of my writing on this blog, you know that birds are one of the primary ways He, Jesus, has been getting my attention and speaking the past going on, 3 yrs. now.  

Do you know how many birds are in that picture, Seth drew?  FIVE!  Yes, Five!  Do you know what the number five means, Biblically?  

Grace!  Grace!  Grace!  Grace! Grace!

This was two days ago.  Do you know what the number two means?  Agreement!  Agreement!  

He used two people to agree to bless me with His grace today.  

He came and embraced me in a moment that was heading into a panic meltdown, but He redeemed it into a meltdown of receiving His grace.   

As I walked away from that moment, in my snow boots and tears melting down my face… I was overwhelmed by His love… His Fathering love… the very kind of love He has been slowly drawing near this little girls heart with.  

Last night, He showed me that He is sitting in front of me.  He is wanting to sit there as long as it takes for me, to make a choice.  He is sitting down on the cold white, tiled floor.  Where there is a little girl who has been in a dark corner for over three decades now.  She is scared… she is overwhelmed, and she is having a meltdown.  

But, He… is not afraid of her meltdown.  He is sitting there with His arms wide open, waiting for her to embrace His love for her.

And her to embrace the little girl she left behind.  

Today, … was a picture of, a glimpse of… that embrace.  In the color and faces of the unexpected.

I need to still respond to that invitation He is making to me… and it’s a process.   A process that I in part have run from.  

But, He is so sweet in that He won’t let His kids run to long… before He meets them somewhere along the road.  It will be many different faces, and packages, that He sends, before I trust Him again.  

And, when I do… I will too, need to confess my sin in that lie I believed.  That I couldn’t trust Him.  Even if it is on a cold white tiled floor.  Waiting for His deeply broken girl to choose, His healing embrace.    


 

Bending Back

I started to read “The Reflective Life,” by Ken Gire.  In it he explains that to reflect, is in essence to, “bend back something."   

I had many questions, after pondering this word.  How does one “bend back something,” when bending reveals only pain?

How do you reflect on something behind, when that reflection is full of so much hurt and sorrow, and covered in all the could have, should have, and might have beens?

How does one stand at the edge of a shoreline facing oceans, seeing only waves too high to surf, currents too strong to swim against, and a drowning almost so crushing, that seeing the surface is only a mere hope?

Or when you wake into a new day, standing at the shores of an advancing sun, watching it dance like diamonds on ripplets of lapping waves, do you not sense the coming of mighty winds and storms, so familiar, so inevitable? Thus, fearing such sacred moments so very known, yet breathing winds of air forming an unknown, as it blows mystery yet to come, a tide stronger, a lapp harder, as it always does.

It seems the moment one takes to embrace, stopping long enough to hear the song that sings atop whatever moment you're in, fades more quickly than that moment for which the song, is no longer heard, Tides having already, turned. Or perhaps the melody of the storm, is a sound for which we recognize more quickly, than the harmony one struggles to hear, in the calm, before the storm.

I long to be cast away into those moments that play harmonies, for my melody has become heavier.  A burden.  A song one should never have to, listen to.  A lyric full of solemn melody’s.  Scarce in harmony’s.

Why are we drawn to the harmony in songs?   

Harmony brings enhancement, dynamic. That sending of chills up one's spine as angelic, a heavenly presence they hold. Melody, a continuing constant, always there directive leading you thru to where you are going. It often is what everyone can pick up on easily, without difficulty.

Harmony, however, is for the more advanced ear and eye. You'd think one who has lived the melody's I have, would be equipped and advanced enough to be promoted to songs of a much sweeter melody.  Harmony’s ushering in the angelic into what at times has felt, demonic.

Melody tells the story.  Harmony, gives one hope when the story feels lost, alone, and abandoned.  It reminds one of the fact that, there is something else involved, someone else involved. And that something or someone, being good.  Have you ever tried to listen to harmony alone?  It has no impact, no purpose. It is no longer needed, when on it's own. In fact, it is even unpleasant to hear, without the foundation of melody giving it's perfect connection to make.

And so, is there something to see, in all this reflective writing for me?

Perhaps, it is to see that the harmony that has layered itself thru the canvas of my life, is that which only comes with the scenery of melody, I have lived.   The very song that has been the story, of my life.

Perhaps, it is not for me to figure out why.  Perhaps, all I am to do, is to decide what to do with the melody, given me. To listen for the harmony’s which can only be sung, over the melody’s of my life.  That the angelic meant to be heard in my song, would be found.  To learn how to dance, within the song of my life, as a harmony dances over melody.  That cadence in a song, where its rhythms rise and fall, notes sung in a harmony that can only be sung; over that- melody.  

This, is my bending back.  

This, is my cadence.

Where melody and harmony are found in the story of my life.  And maybe, if I am quiet enough to hear, still enough to see, I might just hear the greatest Harmonizer of all, singing over me, with all the angelic hosts, letting me in, on a few more notes of the melody’s yet to come.  So that, I may find hope- where otherwise no hope was found, at all.

Written in 2005

That's The Deal

Sometimes I don't know if I am afraid of who I am, or afraid of who I'm not. Sometimes I don't know if I hate myself, or just what I'm afraid I will become, or perhaps even more, not become. Sometimes, what hurts the most is what this brutal world of experience forges one to submit too. And, yet somehow, this becomes the very place, for which one finally submits to the safest place of all, and this is in the shawdow of our creator, the center of our suffering. The center of His intimacy.

Although the shawdow often does not appear as one of safety, but of death, destruction, desolation and often despair deeper than the deepest of valleys, this very place has the defining moment of becoming the one place for which we truly see that He is God, and we are not. Where the center of His heart lies in the desire to be in the center of our very soul. The one place for which our hope is either crushed, or strengthened. Crushed by the elements experience may, will, and does bring. Elements that either break us, and ironically, make us stronger. Or perhaps the far more common course taken is that of the one whome this moment causes them to run from the very purpose this elelment is intended for. This is the greatest tragedy of all.


C.S. Lewis said this,

"When I was a boy I chose safety, When I was a man, I chose suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then, that's the deal."

 It is this choice we are all faced with. It is in these moments we grow from boy to man. In these moments we are strengthened in our very brokeness and suffering. Strengthened to accept that our only hope is in Him alone. He being the very one who's gone before, any and all experience for which either will come, or has come, to pass upon me. These are the gravel roads, the muddy waters, the sandy planes, the jagged edges, the valleys, ascents, and all other terains in which we find the fingerprints of God, the center of all He is and has to offer.

 The problem is not in the journey, for that is the gift. The problem is an eye problem. Where our blindness and resistance to suffering hides the beauty of intimacy and grace. It is in this problem, I learn and find vision, those things that make up faith. And it is in this very place we find the center of all we've become, and are becoming. The center of who He is. What He is longing and working for us to be, a reflection of His Son.

Here is a clip from the movie, "Shadowlands." 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3PUhrvAxyg

A Call Worth Dyeing For

I am learning most deeply and intimately, what it looks like to die; in the secret place with Him. In my getting alone time with Him. IN the weeping, in the crying out, in the wrestling of injustice and the hungering for answers. In the orphaned places of circumstances where the agony of life's Gethsemane surrounds you, and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire, where you feel caged in by evil that surrounds you... where the learning how to die is not pretty.

Where learning to die is learning to recognize what truths were exchanged for lies. How the agreements made in those lies, can only be sweetly broken in drinking down the cup of repentance... A cup that can only be swallowed when our gaze has been finally met with His.

It is not a sojourn for the faint of heart. I think this is why Dietrich could pen this statement, it's why Jesus said, "take up My cross daily." Why the "grain of wheat must fall to the ground and die." It is in the crucible of His hand, this death must come forth... where His image is born. Where the enduring, brings forth a light in darkness, and where death brings forth life.

In the secret place of the Most High.

Is it possible this is why, "many are called but few are chosen?"

For many, a sojourn with Christ, starts with sacrifice. Then, for some it becomes a relationship of, obedience. But, then there are those who have come through the sacrifice, obedience and are now at a crossroads of submission.

"Yes, my Lord, gladly my Lord... "

This is where the called.... and the chosen, may very well part ways.

For this is truly for me, where death occurred. A death that brought Him as my beloved; into the heart of me, His bride... in such a way that now... there is no other master.

I don't know that one can truly die publicly for such a King... until they have died privately, as His Bride, Lover, Daughter, and Friend, within the crucible of submission.

But, it took a long road of suffering... and sometimes that suffering continues.

No... not suffering and persecution like in the other countries.. And I can't begin to fathom enduring such suffering... Help me, Lord, the day that comes to me... of which I don't think is too far off from a very real and potential reality. May I not cower, but stand, Lord Jesus...

But, I also haven't known perhaps the joy and empowering of such an honor, the intimate and profound reward that comes with such a cup. Nonetheless, my road has trod its share of suffering. How do I know? Because of not only what my sufferings have taken from me, but what it could not take. What I have gotten in return for, suffering.

More of Him, and essentially, more of me. The me He saw from the very beginning. His Bride. His Daughter. His Friend. His Lover.

I just recently noticed in the Beatitudes, something very intriguing. There are only two of them, that proclaim the very same promise. "Blessed are the poor in spirit," & "Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake" ==They both have the same promise given to them:

"For theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

What is the Kingdom of Heaven? Righteousness, Peace and Joy, IN the Holy Spirit. Is this what I am thirsting for? Yes!!! Am I willing to pay the price? To not only answer the call, but walk the road of being completely mastered by Him? To the point of dying? Daily? Will I submit to the journey?

It is a call... it is a journey. It is a place only you can choose... only I can choose. What say you, when He bids you to come?

I've heard His call...

I'm making the journey...

For it is a journey worthy of such a call, a call worth; dyeing for.