Bending Back

I started to read “The Reflective Life,” by Ken Gire.  In it he explains that to reflect, is in essence to, “bend back something."   

I had many questions, after pondering this word.  How does one “bend back something,” when bending reveals only pain?

How do you reflect on something behind, when that reflection is full of so much hurt and sorrow, and covered in all the could have, should have, and might have beens?

How does one stand at the edge of a shoreline facing oceans, seeing only waves too high to surf, currents too strong to swim against, and a drowning almost so crushing, that seeing the surface is only a mere hope?

Or when you wake into a new day, standing at the shores of an advancing sun, watching it dance like diamonds on ripplets of lapping waves, do you not sense the coming of mighty winds and storms, so familiar, so inevitable? Thus, fearing such sacred moments so very known, yet breathing winds of air forming an unknown, as it blows mystery yet to come, a tide stronger, a lapp harder, as it always does.

It seems the moment one takes to embrace, stopping long enough to hear the song that sings atop whatever moment you're in, fades more quickly than that moment for which the song, is no longer heard, Tides having already, turned. Or perhaps the melody of the storm, is a sound for which we recognize more quickly, than the harmony one struggles to hear, in the calm, before the storm.

I long to be cast away into those moments that play harmonies, for my melody has become heavier.  A burden.  A song one should never have to, listen to.  A lyric full of solemn melody’s.  Scarce in harmony’s.

Why are we drawn to the harmony in songs?   

Harmony brings enhancement, dynamic. That sending of chills up one's spine as angelic, a heavenly presence they hold. Melody, a continuing constant, always there directive leading you thru to where you are going. It often is what everyone can pick up on easily, without difficulty.

Harmony, however, is for the more advanced ear and eye. You'd think one who has lived the melody's I have, would be equipped and advanced enough to be promoted to songs of a much sweeter melody.  Harmony’s ushering in the angelic into what at times has felt, demonic.

Melody tells the story.  Harmony, gives one hope when the story feels lost, alone, and abandoned.  It reminds one of the fact that, there is something else involved, someone else involved. And that something or someone, being good.  Have you ever tried to listen to harmony alone?  It has no impact, no purpose. It is no longer needed, when on it's own. In fact, it is even unpleasant to hear, without the foundation of melody giving it's perfect connection to make.

And so, is there something to see, in all this reflective writing for me?

Perhaps, it is to see that the harmony that has layered itself thru the canvas of my life, is that which only comes with the scenery of melody, I have lived.   The very song that has been the story, of my life.

Perhaps, it is not for me to figure out why.  Perhaps, all I am to do, is to decide what to do with the melody, given me. To listen for the harmony’s which can only be sung, over the melody’s of my life.  That the angelic meant to be heard in my song, would be found.  To learn how to dance, within the song of my life, as a harmony dances over melody.  That cadence in a song, where its rhythms rise and fall, notes sung in a harmony that can only be sung; over that- melody.  

This, is my bending back.  

This, is my cadence.

Where melody and harmony are found in the story of my life.  And maybe, if I am quiet enough to hear, still enough to see, I might just hear the greatest Harmonizer of all, singing over me, with all the angelic hosts, letting me in, on a few more notes of the melody’s yet to come.  So that, I may find hope- where otherwise no hope was found, at all.

Written in 2005