"Have you considered my servant Job"...

There lived a man named Job.  Job was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.  He has seven sons and three daughters, and he owned seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen and five hundred donkeys, and had a large number of servants.  He was the greatest man among all the people of the East. Job 1:1-3


I began reading Job one night, and began to be struck by many things.  Some of these things I have read much in the past and so was well familiar with.  Such as his being blameless, upright, and all the blessing and wealth of which he had.  But as I continued to read, I began to be just overwhelmed by some of the realities of this story.  And so, I invite you to join me in sharing about Job.


Verse 6-  One day the angels came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them.  


First, if you know anything about Satan biblically speaking, he was the highest angel in heaven created by God Himself.  But, as we read in Isaiah 14, we see his pride and fall from Heaven.  I am just struck by a few things here.  First, all the angels come and present themselves before God, and along comes Satan to join them.  It's amazing to me that the very one who was cast from the presence of God, wanted to be God himself, decides to come into the presence of God with all the other angels who did not fall.  It begged right away for me, why?  


Verse 7
The Lord said to Satan, "Where have you come from?"  (thought, God is all knowing, yet he asked this question of Satan.  God knows where Satan came from both by way of his creation and therefore knows always his whereabouts.)  Satan answered the Lord, "From roaming throughout the earth and going back and forth in it."


When I read this reply of Satan, it was the most uncanny feeling and idea in me.  Like Satan is saying, well, I was wandering around, looking for my next attack and well, I just thought I would come and inquire with you God, why do you ask?  Or, maybe, Satan knew exactly where and who he was planning his next attack on, but was so aware of the power and hand of God on Job, ...decided to talk with God first about the matter.  Or, just the mere thought of one sooooo evil, making a point to enter into the presence of not just His creator, but the very one in whom all things were created and the very one who holds ultimate and complete power.  It is unreal to me to think of having such evil and still coming into the presence of God, being Satan himself, to inquire with God.  I'm struck too at the idea of how Satan was just roaming...looking, calculating for his next victim.


But then we read this:
Verse 8
"Then the Lord"....wo wo wo, stop right there, who?  The Lord????  "said to Satan, "Have you - considered - my - servant - Job?"  Look at that verse...what is one to do with that????


I must say right here, I am not about to tackle in a way that claims to know or have the answer to some of the hard questions about God...I have not His wisdom to the ways He brings about His purposes...for we read in Isaiah 55:7-9 "Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. For My thoughts are not your thoughts and My ways are not your ways declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."


However, God is volunteering Job to Satan, almost as if to say, why Satan, why haven't you considered my servant Job?.  God shows us clearly too that Job is "My servant".  God's servant.  Have you ever felt like or wondered if maybe Satan got permission to mess with your life?  I surely have.  And then, what do I do with such wondering's?  


But that is not all God tells Satan...He doesn't just ask him if he has considered, but then gives him even more reason for that considering, listen:
..."There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil."  It's like God is giving Satan a sales pitch...or like he's giving a closing statement at an election ceremony, as to why you should pick "that guy".  He is completely singling Job out amongst all of mankind living on the earth at this point....I mean what is God thinking here...?  What is going on?  Huge pondering moment for me here...


But then, we get Satan's reply...listen:
"Does Job fear you for nothing?  Have you not put a hedge of protection around him and his household and everything he has?  You have blessed the work of his hands, so that his flocks and herds are spread throughout the land.  But stretch out your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."


So, here we have what seems/sounds like a literal debate, once again, all in the presence of the Creator of all things, in the Holy of Holy places...over one man's livelihood and wellbeing.  It is interesting to me what Satan is aware of..."have you not put"....  Satan sees the source of all that Job is and has.  He sees that there is a mighty hand of God's blessing and protection all around Job's life and family and wealth.  He sees that there is something surrounding Job of which he has no access.  Perhaps this is in part why Satan comes to God, makes a trip into His presence.  He sees a man of which he want's to bring down, the best of the best,....but has no access, and seeks out the source of that hedge ....but still, it is God who suggests Job to Satan.  Satan if fully aware of where the source of all good and perfect gifts comes from...and it is Satan's very threat to all his schemes...the reality that he knows he has not the full and final control, yet he continues to play the warfare of trying to win as many to himself as he can.  There is such a supernatural battle of which we see not, 90% of the time.  I also wonder, how desperate Satan had to be to even consider entering into the presence of God...and then it is God who throws the first question.  We don't even really hear Satan give us a reason as to why he is there, but only that he is roaming to and fro...implying he is desperately looking for the next victim.  So much so that he comes to talk with the ultimate King in the story, of which he knows, will win in the end.  


But, Satan stills plows forward with a challenge, a ultimatum if you will.  Verse 11- "but, stretch out Your hand and strike everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face."  So we hear Satan basically throw out what he himself wants to do to Job...but it is God he asks to do so...not himself, but God strike Job.  (Pondering....)  Satan knows his limits...knows he has no power beyond that which is given him...and even more, he knows he has not full power nor authority ...but that only if God lifts that hedge off of Job, and God himself...afflict Job.  I can't even wrap my head around how much evil must be in a created being, to come before the very creator and ask for suffering such as Job endured to come against him....like do you really understand the depth of depravity and pride at work in Satan to have the '....' you know...to ask God to do such things?


Then....then....then....
Verse 12
"The Lord - said - to Satan; "Very well, then,..."  Ok stop right there...H-A-L-T....what did I just read?????  Um, how does one swallow that pill?  Very well then.....are you kidding me, that easily, like, uh, Ok, sure Satan, whatever you want....and God continues to say, "everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger."  Did I just read God gave everything into the hand of Satan, but his life itself?  What is up with that, I ask?  So, what is up with that....


And then that verse ends by saying..."Then Satan went out from the presence of the Lord".
I don't know about you, Christian or not, but to go out of the presence of the Lord with that much evil interchanged...that much conversation of how to destroy and attack ones life....I can't imagine personally going where Satan did, 'into the presence of the Lord with all the angels"....and leaving at all.  Let alone leaving with having had that conversation and agenda planned out.  Whew....could you imagine this story made into a Hollywood movie...bring it on Mel!  It would be quite a story to see, be it put into the right producer.


Maybe you are wondering, asking, pondering, considering, is this my life?  I think many of us would be surprised at the amount of attack and how much really does go on in the supernatural of our life.  What is happening that we cannot see.  That we really do have a foe, Satan, who is roaming to and fro looking for one, as a lion, to which he will devour.  But I think the harder question for many is the one that is most difficult to answer...
Why did God do this?  Why does God allow this?  What is up with all of this talk about, 'have you considered my servant Job'?  How often is this same conversation happening even now?  What are the reasons for God's response/questions?  


Perhaps, this is the very place some of us might begin to be drawn into a deep study of who God is and isn't.  Perhaps, this tugs at the strings of your own experiences and makes you cry out in anger at God....is this what happened to me?!!!  What kind of God does this anyway?  


I invite you to ponder, as you begin perhaps your own digging- into the life of Job.

Again

Verse 1:

You feel all alone.

Heart's dry as a bone.
And it keeps on breaking.
Jagged edges like glass.
Piercing deep from your past.
Dreams left for the taking.

Chorus:

You wonder why

Should tides turn back the time 

Such sad goodbyes, 

Longing to leave my

Sin behind-

Again...again....again

Verse: 2

Far too many roads.

Beckon for my soul.

They reach for the taking. 

Life can be very crass.

Seen only in my past.

While wounds cry out aching.

Chorus:

You wonder why,
Should tides turn back the time,

Such sad goodbyes.

Longing to leave my 

Sin behind-

Again, again, again

Bridge:

You see my condition.

Dark side to addiction.

Yet, still You come to me.

Embracing, Enfolding,

all Encompassing.

Healing even me....

Again, again, again...

Chorus:

You long this time,

Should you turn back the tide,

To say goodbye.

Move far away from 

Severed ties-

Again...again...again.

Dawn Shape
Embrace The Dance Publishing
Copyright 2011

Until It Rains

I haven't written again in so long.  It's been a hard way of trying to figure out my life as a Mom, and my life as Me.  Finding the time, without being so tired, having more to do than can be finished, before I am able to even pen the ocean of thoughts living inside me. 


I have found myself sitting silently while the same song washes over and over again.  Songs of worship mostly.  Lately, it seems that I hear a new song weekly that I just can't get enough of.  And, no matter how tired I am...it feels sad to have to turn it off.  I don't know many souls that love to sit and let the same song wash over their spirit over and over again.  My son, Seth, he does.  But then he is wired like me and so that is not a surprise - but a fresh wind of comfort.


There is a comfort when you find a song that you want to have washing over you and over you...  The kind of moment where you immediately put the settings on "loop song".  For me I think it's about intimacy.  Do you ever long to just know that you are fully known?  It's why I love worship.  I am brought into this intimate place with my creator.  The One Who created all of me.  Who looks at what He has created and proclaims, "You were fearfully and wonderfully made."  


I'm humbled at that truth.


I sit in a quiet stillness, while my soul is raging and yet frozen still before His presence.  And then it happens...the moment when my voice opens up, in harmony with my soul that is opening at that same moment, and I cry up with all abandon, and pour out- my song.  My voice.  My longings filled with all of who I am that so many never see.  But He sees, all the time.  


I am so captivated by how my heart and soul can be raging in passionate desire for longings so longing to be filled, and yet my soul can be paralyzed in a sacred holiness, filled with awe and wonder at His enormous and most beautiful exchange of love for me.  

And I am brought to tears when I see the wounds that long to be Healed in the midst of this presence.  


There is so much, regarding the issue of healing.  Not intended to be written about here...but couldn't ignore the direction this is going. 


I'm learning and finding a peace before His presence.  While welcoming my quiet- raging longings.  The paradox is of ones inevitable, inescapable reality of feeling as though the very seams of ones seemingly intense reality, is constant; while the very stillness that comes in the Holy presence of majesty, humbles and stills me in a quiet love that just paralyzes my very self to almost nothing--- but a voice and heart held vertical while at the same time, hung on nothing of myself, and hung on the reality of His death and resurrection.


I am struck by something of being in the presence of worship.  I never want to leave.  I never get enough.  I always want more.  I don't know many things in my life that have that powerful of a dynamic working all simultaneously. 


What is my point of writing tonight...I think just to get my thoughts out.  I am struggling with a lot of sadness and longing for things that are not in my reach or control.  Things that involve in some real ways, resignation.  A place for which I have walked all too often.  And so, I sit here listening to the song "Let It Rain" being sung by Jesus Culture and I just want to sit all night long and give myself permission to write and talk as though someone who really gets my soul, is listening.  


The truth is, He is always listening...If I could only just absorb that comfort fully.


I don't know what my life has ahead for it.  But, I hear the cry of this song, "Let it rain, Let it rain, open the floodgates of heaven, Let it rain...


I feel a kindred echoing from inside me that sings this with such intensity and abandon....that I'm waiting for that rain to just shower me, gush over me, consume and capture me into a place of unstoppable healing...


Let it rain, let it rain, open the floodgates of heaven...

I will keep singing.  I will keep longing ...for more of His rain.

Listening for the Miraculous


There are days when all has finally quieted, that the silence creates the space to finally be still.  That stillness can feel anything but silent.  This night is one of them nights.  Like a tsunami, the rush of unattended matters of the heart, come rushing forth.  Questions...prayers, dreams, unknowns still hanging from jagged edges of circumstances, seemingly so uncontrollable.  Then, the words, "Be still and know - that I am -God." slowly rise like yeast, permeating the whole of my soul.  The stillness, becomes a bit more silent.  The sifting through emotions, like flour being sifted for a purpose, seems not as important as...listening.


Listening, when not understood for it's intended purpose, can swell into feelings of wasted time.  Nothing accomplished.  However, when done often enough, even the smallest moment of time spent listening, can garner jewels of wisdom that carry them days, when it seems there is not a moment of silence to be heard, stillness to be seen.

In a recent conversation, listening, has been a gift of miraculous magnitude.  Perspective; one of my best companions, keeps me searching for the healing I long for.  It was a conversation of what God didn't do.  Could have done, and didn't.  It was a conversation revealing a time in which had reconciliation happened then, the relationship could not have gone back to where it came from, but at the same time, would have failed more, going forward.  It was a miraculous choice on God's part, to withhold reconciliation.  It would be 28 years later, this would even be known, by way of His miraculous reconciliation.  


While we open windows every day, it is not every day, we see in them windows; the divine.  The supernatural - happening naturally.  Risk is always present, in the opening of windows; because we never know what might blow in.  Winds rising up from the west, blowing easterly into the moment of our days...can wreak havoc, to our seemingly nicely dusted lives...until we see the dust is only growing thicker.  We forget how much of the past, unresolved, has settled on the table of our soul, like dust floating in the air unseen until the rays of sun reveal what is really there in the air.  We go along breathing as if nothing is wrong, yet all the while inhaling particle after particle, collecting in our souls.  Then...it happens.  The unexpected, unannounced, uninvited moments we conveniently turned away from...rush in.  


Listening... listening...  listening...


In a moment like this, we can listen or we can begin uttering all the reasons why, or how, or what and when, keeps us, and shuts us out of letting such windows open.  But how many of them slammed windows, were we slamming the supernatural from naturally happening?  How many, "But God"; moments- did we detour for a season, if that?  


I'm learning that in the chaos, as the pace of life gets ahead of my heart quicker than I can resolve; that listening is prayer.  And prayer is a way for the God of the universe to intimately know me...and I Him.  I am learning that He speaks a word to my parched soul, before I ever speak it...and it be my prayer unspoken,  that is now answered.  I'm learning that listening, gives me perspective that may not change my circumstances, but change my character.  I'm learning that listening...can bring healing.  I'm learning that listening; is learning.  Learning is growing.  Growing means there is life inside.  Though, when it feels like life, is not inside me; I listen...and I find that yes, it is good to be still.  It is good to listen...and in that place...




"Be still and know - that He is - God.






Dawn Shape
Embrace The Dance publishing
copy write 2011

So often we look at moments of pain in a story...
and therefore see that pain- as the story. 

In doing so, we miss the story alltogether. 

We fail to see beyond...and see after. 

The real story, lies not within the tragedy...
but rather in the glorious redemptions;
transformations;
that despite them...
 could not be held back.

Cry, Cry, Cry

Cry, Cry, Cry....

I was given a devotional to read, on prayer. I was struck

by the fact that were called to not give God

any rest in our crying out to him. In Luke, 18: 1-8, it

talks about a woman who was relentless in her begging to have

justice, a stranger she was, begging to a judge.
Her persistence grants her cry fulfilled.
Jesus goes on then and says, "will not God bring about

justice for His children who cry to Him day and night, and will
He delay long over them?"
It then states also in Isaiah 62, "to not give God

any rest, give Him no peace in our crying out to Him, until He does what
He said he would do in Jerusalem".

I have so long, struggled with my ability to pray many times

because of the crying, I've done before Him. But, in the reading

of these verses, and others, reflecting on the idea that

"the squeaky wheel gets the grease" as they say.....I am still just humbled at the

idea that God calls us to not give Him rest in our pleading

before Him. That there is a fruit to be seen, in faithful persistence.
Think about it.....how much do we like to hear persistence of

someones request, over and over and over....

doesn't it sometimes wear us all out?

And so it is in this grand wonder of His call to us,
to lament in cry's up to Him, that
I write this lamenting as though it was

His lament to us.....to Cry, Cry, Cry....

to Him.

Cry Oh little one, whom I love.

Cry Oh daughter and son, of whom
I have not forgotten.

Cry Oh you, who feel weak,

and seem always to be among the evilsof this world ,
how exasperating they are....

Cry out with loud cry's.

And do not fear being a burden
to Me.....

I have my palm outstretched
beneath your face,

that each tear might be caught as

it falls.

For the scar in my hands hold
each one,
just for you.

Cry before Me, oh son, who've

become overwhelmed with
duty. Cry dear daughter's, you who

are feeling week in your

labors.

Cry my dear passionate ones, who find

all your flesh and being,

saturated with chains of

agony.....for I am in the business

of breaking the bondages

that have made stronghold's over you.

Cry daily, and unceasingly.....in long

felt sadness. Empty out

your sorrows.

I will not turn a deaf ear.

I will not sit as though,
I'm not listening.

For I hear everything.
I see all things.

I have not forgotten you,

you who cry.....continually of
a broken spirit.

Cry out to Me when you feel
I am far away. Hold back nothing

from Me.

Get it off your chest,
where your heart and soul
like one long breaking fence,

piece by piece,
try desperately to stay
strong, in the wind of such storms.

The beams of that cross,
of which I withstood such winds,
stands still today,
in the Power of my Spirit,
which is within you.

Let my Spirit, be your
strong fence, that keeps

all that shall not come in, kept
far....

from you.

Do not stop telling Me,
how you feel.

Be relentless before Me,

with your broken dreams, and the sadness
this brings.

Every morning as the sun shines again,
My heart remembers your
cry's.

Every night that the stars light

up the earth sky,

My Spirit, walks among you,

for you who are crying...

My son,

sits before Me in steadfast

petition, on your

behalf, bringing Me your
every cry.

Though the darkness that you see,
shuts you down,
it does not shut Me down.

I do not slumber or sleep.

When I see your fear,

the blackness that fills

this world..... I

rise above it, and move through it.

I see above that which for you
I know, is so hard to see.

But, do not take the lie,

fed to you by the evil one that says,
I do not care. That I do not listen.

Rather, listen now, to My Spirit speak

with bold truth, that I am always with you.

I always hear.

I am always fighting in battle for your good.

Do not believe what you see so much as
believe that which you do not see.

For the world says,

"I'll believe it when I see it",

But my Kingdom says,
"You will see it when you believe".

believe, and entrust to me,
your unbelief. For I will take all things
that burden you.

I will take them, and use them. You will be,

My reflection.

Radiance will rest

upon your head as the sun.

Closer and closer will you become
one with Me......

that you might

see Me, in your suffering.

For there

is nothing that you go through,

that goes unnoticed by my Spirit.

I will usher in healing.
I will usher in comfort that will
begin your healing.

Your suffering will bring valiancy,
and your valiancy will usher in
more of My Kingdom's face.

Upon the days of your life,
will you be comforted by

the streams of my grace.

I keep and carry, and remember all
your cry's.......and continue even
today, to cry with you.

For I too have cried in my very own,

Gethsemane.

I am not without the
despairing face,
the forsaken place....
of evil.

So do not doubt, what you cannot see.

Rather, believe,
in that which you cannot

see, and you will find
Me there.

My joy will fall
upon you.

It will not be
of circumstance, but despite
circumstance. For when
you return to that which your heart
has always known of Me,
you will get up in the
strength of your youth.

From the mudpies of strife,
you will rise.

You will see Me again,
in this life.

You will see Me again,
in the glory of the life eternal

to come.

Glory to all

the days of my return,
as I will return -
for you.

EmbraceTheDance

Publishing

copywrite 2006

Another sacred place inside my Rivendell...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Another sacred place inside my Rivendell....

Far within

the depths of the forest,

were the sounds of

violins.

  They played as though

the very angels of heaven

were among

the trees.

Soothingly,

the music would immediately

draw ones soul

into a spirit

of solitude.

Draping.................

over that solitude

was reflective movement.

A swaying ..........

in synchronization

........like the very

wind itself;

where a slow sifting

wind moved among leaves of the trees.

Beckoning ...to her soul,
was intense emotion.

She

slid

down the trunk

of a large tree, slowly sitting

herself into the cove

of the long,

thick strong surfacing

roots.

Her long flowing hair was

drapping down beside

her shoulder.

Just enough to mingle
a bit with the bark of
the tall trunk.

Looking up in reflection,
she remembered her sadness
when she was just a

little girl....

her eyes gracefully closed at the

tranquil violins floating
over the breeze.

Holding in deep thought,

she became aware

of the very delicate spiritual sounds
amidst her.

The silence.......

within her....................
lingered.

There was healing
surrounding it.

She held that healing,

closely.

Resonation stirred inside,

as she began to sense The Spirit
that lived within her.

Like a woven silk flower, the presence
of the Holy Spirit opens her
spirit

slowly to angelic

sounds moving among her.

Violins, oboes, and voices
of sweet nectar

webbing

a silken healing

gently, loosely, one silky strand at a time,

yet in such a way that she
was enveloped

completely.

This became her solitary place of refuge....

for at least

in that solitary place,

she felt untouchable

to such

further

tormenting.

Over time
she began to understand

more clearly,
the intriguing way

the silken web
would envelope
her.

Her voice stayed still...

where she used to be able to sing in

a way of deep healing.

These angelic voices, and strings on the violins,

were the very strands, one by one,

that sounded a

strength inside

her voice.

That which she

otherwise would have expressed,

herself, was being sung over

her, expressing that which was

unexpressable.

This is where the tears of

cleansing

begin.

Where they began,

to drip ever so slightly,

little by little......until

they flooded forth

with powerful release.

The voices, and strings

came even closer once the tears began to

flow.
It was as though a new song,
in both

harmony of sound, but in unison

of meaning and healing,

intertwined together in a

sacred dance.

A dance for the first time since

since she lived in the
forest.

She began to embrace.......

embrace the sounds
of healing voices
like in a hot tub
soaking in everything.

She comes often....

to this place, now.

Where in fact, no one has ever

really seen her go.

Where even when she

attempts to share,

she stops, knowing
too few, can understand.

And this song
heard in that moment
still makes her speechless.

When she cannot
be among the trees that

shelter her in this

forrest of life......

she finds it in
her soul......again,

where few

can go with her.

She's worn a place in the ground of

her heart........

where she's lingered for long, moments

at a time.

And it's with this ever risking of

getting alone

with the Holy Spirit... The Spirit

inside her,

the sacred

finds her...

weeping a healing

that is replaced slowly,

with a dripping joy.

EmbraceTheDance

 Publishing

copywrite 2006