"What do you fear my lady?" asked Aragorn. "A cage. To be behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire." replied Eowyn. "You are a daughter of kings, a sheildmaiden of Rohan. I do not think that will be your fate." replied Aragorn.
By nature, I'm profoundly reflective. Sometimes, it is difficult for
me. It brings with it many memories; many rich with joy, and some rich
with pain. We carry the scars of our wounds differently, each of us.
Just as we carry the crowns of glorious moments, differently. Whether
it be reflection of pain or joy, rains or sunshine, winds of gentle
breezes or winds of gale size storms, the debris that has settled from
each one leaves an imprint like the fossils of time in stones
and sand. Sometimes excavation is in order... to uncover the wound,
encounter healing of those memories. And still others unveil to us,
strength and hope, to embrace the roads that lie still, ahead.
There is a song that sums up, beautifully what I am speaking of. It is
posted here at the end of this writing. Its a song that, like so many
songs can,... says in all the right ways, how life goes on, but leaves
with it a hope and a sorrow, that when intermingled, becomes something
of beauty.
May you remember,... nothing is wasted, nothing
should be forgotten.... and nothing is so far gone, that there is not
still, yet remaining... Hope.
.... all those who have in one
way or another touched my life, whether for good or for ill.... He,
Jesus, will use it all for His story in me, through me, so that the
world may again, see a facet of His masterpiece story in the lives of
His kids. .... and for those of you who know Him, as your Savior...
I'll meet you there one day. For the seasons will inevitably lead us
onto different paths.... paths that one day, in Christ will lead us
Home.
A good friend of mine about ten years ago had given me a couple of bags full of scraps of material. She had been sewing quilts and had many left over strips and squares of all kinds of fabric prints. I had not sewn myself much at all, but was learning a little through her. So she felt maybe I could use them sometime to make my own quilt. I was so thankful for them. I didn't use them right away and then I think because of space and Seth being born, I ended up having to put my sewing machine in the garage. It was given to me by my husbands mother, when she passed away.
Over the years, all of those things sat in our garage. I would go through boxes, and when I came to those bags of fabric I often wondered if I was keeping them in vain. I mean would I really ever get around to making something of them. I was really good at 'starting' something and not finishing it. I have a couple afghan's like that still, waiting to be finished. When we moved into the home we are now in, just a little more than a year ago, I asked myself again... "should I really keep these bags of fabric scraps?" Of course when you move you often de-clutter that which you haven't used for years and deem no longer needed. But, something in me still believed that I would make something one day of those scraps of material.
Just this past few weeks, at the beginning of December I was downstairs where our sewing machine is. I was in the mood to be creative and saw those bags of material sitting on the bottom shelf of the shelving unit. I decided to toss them on the floor and look at the many scraps of color that filled the bags. Seth fell in love with all those colorful squares of fabric..."make something, Mommy... can I sew something?" he asked with glee.
Suddenly, for whatever reason the idea of making a pillow out of some of them brushed through my mind. I began gathering squares of colored fabrics all in an array of design and flow, piecing together some idea of a pillow. Then I began sewing square to square. Seth loved what was becoming a new little pillow for his bed. Then once I did that, we both were wanting to make another, but then the question became, for who? Our friends were planning a play date in a couple weeks, and I thought, "why not make a pillow for each of the kids?" There are three of them I was considering this for. So, I did. Seth helping me with patterns and using the 'gas' pedal on the sewing machine. Wala!!! I was finished with two in that afternoon almost. I simply needed to get more stuffing. As well, since one of the kids is a boy, I need a more 'boyish' kind of fabric.
As I looked at the remaining fabric that I had, there was this soft, pale rose like colored fabric with hearts, outlined inside squares. It was quite a large piece of fabric as well. I had a few other scraps that were enough to cut squares out of and they matched well with the larger piece. Starring at this all I saw a quilt in my minds eye. But the real question became... CAN I DO THIS???? I had little experience with making anything at all on the sewing machine, let alone a quilt. Matter of fact I have, yep you guessed it,... fabric cut out that I bought the same time my friend was making her quilts, still sitting waiting to be put together in a beautiful quilt.
I began brain storming whether I could piece this together and do it in any way at all, acceptable. I figured YouTube would have some help I could learn from. So, I searched, "how to thread a sewing machine," since I had no idea what I was doing wrong trying to sew those pillows. Then I began sewing all the squares for the quilt together, and then sewing them to the bigger piece of fabric. Uh Oh... this is not lining up like I saw in my minds eye... what is wrong... hmmm, ... let's see, what if I do this and then that and then... so I did, this and that, to try and connect it all. Not at all lined up the way I wanted the corner's to be, but it was looking like a quilt and I was still very excited. Now it was time to learn about batting and binding... but guess what... I broke a needle, so I had to figure out how to change the needle, and furthermore, did I even have any more needles. So, I go rummaging through all the supplies that my mother in-law gave me, and sure enough I found some, but then I needed to go to youtube to find out how to change that.
Then it was a search on youtube for how to sew in batting... and the backing fabric of the quilt. That I had to purchase at the store, and you know what... I found the perfect fabric... SO EXCITED I was!!!! BUT.... that did not go so well... sewing the batting. I needed a "foot" for quilting, so I am rummaging again for a proper "foot." This was when my needle broke. Then, the thread kept breaking and gathering in a hairball effect of a mess as I was sewing this all together. YIKES!!! I just want to make this for my friend so that I can bless her with my gift.
Finally, I finished that part... even though it was a beautifully made artistic mess beginning to take shape.
The last step was the binding, the border of the quilt.. that part that holds it all together and brings it to completion. I had a large piece of fabric left that was the perfect contrast color I thought for the edging. Back to youtube I go... how to sew on the binding. Looked easy enough. So, off I went to do that.
Pinning and gathering it to the sewing machine, I began and turning round my first corner, "SNAP!" Again, a broken needle... this time I didn't need youtube!!! :)
But now I saw that it may have been to thick for the needle, so now I had to do the one thing that mattered most. Make sure that the material is not open in the back and all is sewn closed. More artistic freedom I had to take to be sure that this goal would be met. Around and down the long edge I sewed... turned another corner 'artistically" again.... completely showing thread where I didn't want it seen, and too, the border was not appearing as I imagined it would. Finally, on the homestretch, and I finished. But, of course, some gaps were remaining so I had to go back and close them up... I really did it. I pulled it off. A quilt was in my hands.... mistakes and artistic mess and all. But, it was done, and it was a quilt.
It was the day after I had given this to my friends, the pillows for the kids and the quilt for my dear friend. And of course I shared the whole story with her. We laughed and she completely "got it!"
That day after they came over I was doing dishes. Reflecting on all we shared, on the journey of making that quilt, the Holy Spirit began to speak. "Dawn, do you not know that just as those scraps that sat in your garage for about ten years, seemingly just scraps in a bag ... do you not know that I can take the scraps of your life, and make something out if it, too? See, what seemingly feels like just a life of scraps sitting, waiting, for something to be made of them, is something through which My story can be told. Where the threads woven together in the scraps of situations that felt like mistakes, can by My Spirit, bring rest to many. Comfort, and warmth... when sewn together in My timing. In My way... square by square telling a part of the journey that you have taken, and when it all comes together, it brings comfort and warmth to another who feels like the scraps of their life are simply... clutter and waste.
I want you to know that this quilt you made was not just about your friend, but it was about your life...your journey through what you did not know or understand, those moments when you had to come to Me, and try to understand what you were to do, and those moments you went and gave your best for me, with the scraps that you were working with. Those moments that came to you like broken needles piercing your soul... threads completely tangled up by offense, wounding, lies and the like, all amidst a story through the fabric of time. Oh, daughter do you now understand, that I am taking everything that appears to be simply scraps... stashed away in a bag somewhere, and I'm about to make something that will bring far reaching warmth and comfort, and tremendous hope... to lives of others that are waiting for their life to be made into something far more than just scraps?"
Tears welled up of course as I was listening to His Spirit speak to me. He saw ten years ago, that as I carried these bags of scraps through the fabric of time, what would become of it one day. And, I think too... the greatest part for me, was that I was giving it away... mess and all. I was allowing the mess of my inability to do it perfectly...my journey to learn and pursue how to create something from nothing... to become something He could perfectly use. A moment not only for my dear friends who get to enjoy them, but a moment to draw close, one foot step at a time, one square at a time... one moment in time...one corner at a time, so that I could be reminded that nothing in His Kingdom is just 'scraps." But that He is eternally in the business of making ALL things new!
Battle. It is a perilous journey all the time, battle is. It is not always the case however, that we always know or see, where God is in the midst of it. Lucy, did not know where Aslan was. The other's had given up hope that he would come. Lucy, did not give up hope. And that hope gave her the strength while the enemy was in pursuit of her, to believe that Aslan was there. And so, while the enemy closely behind her pursues her demise, she rides in haste. As she rides, she is clearly aware of the danger behind her, clearly aware of the speed at which she must ride. Clearly aware that these things must not keep her from, 'seeing' Aslan. And it doesn't.
While the enemy is gaining ground, closing in on her quickly, she is suddenly met parallel with a speed and sound coming alongside her. She quickly turns her head to see what it is, and it is Aslan. Side by side moving more quickly than she. Then in an unexpected halting fear, she is met with a moment of almost terror. Surprise, to say the least.
Aslan's roar!
Thrown off her spooked and terrified horse that whinny's himself into the air, Lucy comes crashing to the ground. She looks with bewilderment and wonder. Almost a holy fear of Aslan. And a question begging for response.... why did you roar at me?
In a pause that must have felt like forever, Aslan lunges way overtop of her, roaring yet again and crashing down behind her upon the enemy that was about to close right in on her.
Finally, the revelation of his roar, is revealed. Here, take a moment and watch...
When I was watching this one day, I was overcome with thought as to the many things I felt this entire scene was speaking to me.
Most times we don't get to see the reality of the battle, fully, in the unseen realm. The realm where the spiritual battle is taking place, on our behalf.
Therefore, we need to know the sound of Aslan's roar. And who that roar is for.
We need to know our God is pursuing us with His love and redemptive power in our lives.
We need to trust that when we don't understand why He is roaring, that in His time, we will have understanding. That it is okay to even ask, "Why are you roaring at me?" when trying to discern who that roar is for. For He is faithful to answer us, when we ask Him something... but sometimes that answer will come in ways we did not expect.
For there is another roaring lion out there looking for one whom he may devour. Satan himself. (1 Peter 5:8) Having revelation as to when and how he roars, is imperative on this journey we trod.
Is the roar of Aslan for me to hear? To respond to? Or is that roar from Aslan, a roar that scatters the enemy. Lucy heard that roar, and had no idea what it was for. The deep wondering question of why in such a vital moment, was crucial to her response. She didn't stand up and start yelling at Aslan, about why he roared at her. She didn't get up in anger and run the other direction yelling all kinds of things she shouldn't have, when she heard his roar. No... she instead stood in the fear of that roar, a holy fear, for she KNEW Him... she did not fear Him from a place of being afraid, but rather from a place of knowing Him with reverence, and honor. She paused, waiting on His move, to show her His purpose. She trusted him. She knew His voice, and therefore knew His roar. Even if in that moment she did not understand, why.
Sometimes, we will hear His roar in the midst of the enemy's roar. In that moment, we have two choices. Faith or fear. Lucy chose... faith. She had seen battle before. She had been in the presence of Aslan, when the battle looked lost. She had seen His power to resurrect. She knew His faithfulness. And she knew that just one roar from Him, stayed the enemy from gaining ground over her. Had she feared, she would have empowered the enemy.
How does the roar of the enemy, sound in your life, in mine?
It is alluring. It is subtle. It is undetected outside of holding it up against the Word of God... for even the enemy knows the word of God and comes like a sheep in wolves clothing. It is half truth and lies mingled together. It appeals to the flesh. NOT our Spirit man. He likes to make deals. He likes to bring you slowly to a place of bit by bit, compromise. Be it pride, favoritism, arguments, contentions, materialism, perfectionism, maintaining a level of comfort that keeps you feeling secure rather than taking risk, especially when God is inviting you to go higher in Him. Its a voice designed to keeping you form all that God has called you to become, deceiving you that you must always be in control- be it in ministry or jobs, or in relationships... where you compromise the greater things out of fear of what it will look like, through status and position, the list goes on and on. Subtly, he comes.
It is vital that we do not give ground to the enemy, by listening to the roar of his voice. For he will do everything in his power to cause you to think it is God's voice, through Godly people even, .... We invite legal access to our lives, when we exchange the truth for the lie. And he will not be polite about coming right on in and building up strongholds, over our minds.
We also must KNOW our God. Our Lion of Judah. For if we don't, we will cower in fear at the roar of the enemy. How do we know His voice? It NEVER compromises in any way, the Word of God. The sound of His voice brings peace. It brings love, joy, kindness, gentleness, compassion, patience, meekness, humility, self-control... God's Word, His Voice, always brings life abundant!!! His voice, brings His Holy Presence and it brings His Kingdom, to earth!
In Lucy's moment of patient expectancy, Aslan revealed to her all that was needed- to be STILL and KNOW that I AM King of Narnia. He would fight on her behalf.
And her stillness before Him, would actually empower Him to fight on her behalf.
Her faith and gaze on Him, reveals her intimacy and relationship with Aslan. That she knew this battle belonged now, to Him.
Her posture of knowing who He was, allowed her in that moment to become hidden- in the shadow of His Presence, (Psalm 91:1) Her being hidden in His shadow caused the enemy at that moment to hold no power over her, or access to her.
Her gaze on Aslan, caused the enemy to no longer have his face on her, for the enemy knew that she was now more than a conqueror. (Romans 8:37) That no weapon formed against her would prosper. (Isaiah 564:17) For Aslan now, had come and was about to take the enemy down. In Aslan's presence, there is peace. Peace that not only brings His Presence, but removes all chaos and anarchy hindering that peace.
We must be able to sift through with discernment when the enemy roars and when Aslan roars. Distinguish between the roar of the enemy and the roar of the Spirit of God, in our lives. WE must know the value of stewarding stillness before Him.
I listen to worship every time I set apart time to be with Him. It helps for me to connect to His voice and Spirit, for His Presence is so much greater when the praises of His people are declaring who He is. It is in this still, secret place I have learned how to distinguish the sound of the Spirit roaring on my behalf, and the sounds of the enemy roaring to ride me into fear. For me, it makes all the difference in how the battle is won, when I am still, when I am in worship, when I am listening and praying. There is also the unceasing way I learn His voice, where throughout the day, I am in a longing to set my mind on Him. It's not easy all the time to stay in that place and not get out of sync. For the battle with my fleshly nature comes against me, and sometimes my weaknesses emerge. But because I know His voice, He is faithful to pursue IN love and let me know, when I falter, fail and need to run back to Him, again. Being able to recognize that, quickly, is the fruit of consistent time with Him. Learning His roaring and or, still, small, voice.
Embrace. It is the joyful response of knowing your defender, your Beloved, Your Father, knowing your God. Lucy's embrace showed the intimacy she has with Aslan. It showed her history with Him... for she loved to be with Him.
This scene has more to it... for which I will continue to write in a part 2 blog. Until then, I invite you to seek Him, to seek His Presence, and ask Him to sharpen your ear to His roar... so that next time you are in a place of feeling the hot breath of the enemy in pursuit of you, you will know with discernment, whose roar you are hearing. That you will begin to hunger for stillness before God, a hunger to know His voice more acutely. Growing then, more and more in confidence of His character and His voice, that in just one breath, He will push back all darkness.
For He is a God who pursues His children, the lost and the lonely. Therefore, you can rest... rest in a Holy fear and reverence that the Lion Of Judah has already won, on your behalf.
Every night I come and sit with the Lord. In the past few months, I have been very tired by the time I come to Him. I have at times, sat and said, nothing... just listened to worship and listened for His voice. Other times, I have lifted my voice in worship, my voice in prayer, my hands in praise... my heart in listening. At times, when I have been so tired... feeling as though I have so little to offer, I have felt, sad. Sad that I didn't have more to give to Him. Sad that I was so tired. Like tonight.
While I sat,yawning every few seconds such big yawns, tears fell from my eyes; I shut my eyes. I put on Bethel worship and said, "Father, I don't know why sometimes I'm afraid to ask you questions?" I think I still struggle with what He might say... and then I push through those lies and onto setting my face upon His.
Tonight, and even right now as I write, listening to worship, I was reminded of this beautiful place He showed me in my minds eye. Our place high up on the mountain... by the water falls and flowing stream, where Jesus sits next to the stream, and over across the way a short distance, in the lush green grass sits a Lion, Aslan... or, my Father God. The Lion of Judah.
He showed me that place one night, many months ago this year, during a moment with Him. Tonight, as I sit so tired... deep breaths every so many minutes, I said, "Father... please put a seal around my mind, and let me only hear from You." And I sat. Listening to worship, listening and waiting for Him.
After a few moments I felt in my minds eye, a longing to rest my head up against my Beloved Jesus, and rest. I imagined myself sitting close, snuggling in.... and then, I saw myself sitting on the ground, with my forehead resting upon His leg, looking down at the ground... in awe that I was even there with Him at all. In awe of who it is, I am able to be so, closely intimate with.
I looked up and saw, "Aslan" sitting not to far away... looking at me with joy. Inviting me to also come at any time and snuggle into Him, too. For He knew I needed both my Beloved and My Father, in that moment.
As I'm sitting with my heart pondering this closeness... I felt I heard the whisper of His voice speak... and this is what I felt I heard Him say.
"You struggle to rest. You struggle to rest in a way that is free to simply come, to rest. To come to rest your heart upon mine, and my love for you. You struggle to come and give your tiredness to me and bring simply your heart that needs, rest. You struggle to not pray, to not read my word, to not at some point, lift your voice to Me, for out of your heart, is your song to me, and I love your song... but you struggle to be okay with just simply.. your need for rest. Do you not know that it is simply for your rest that I am here, too? Do you not remember My Word, "come to me, all you who are weary and I will give you, Rest?" Yes, rest. Rest is for you, My Daughter, and it honors me, and pleases me with great pleasure to have you simply come to me, to... rest. So, rest your heavy heart, your weary head, your downcast soul, and look no further than to my presence and rest. For when you do this.. you give me your worship. You give me a chance to strengthen you, without you doing anything but giving me all of your rest. This, is an act of worship, My Daughter, and I delight in your coming to rest."
Then, I saw myself walk over to "Aslan"... my Father, and snuggle up into his beauty and safety. Remembering how He told me, "I guard your borders."
It is a sacred, and simple place, a gift to be able to rest your whole self, upon the Beloved's arms. To be able to enter into that place of just you and Him, and know that He is right there with you, holding you, knowing all of your thoughts, and in resting in His Presence... you are made stronger.
It is Our secret place.
It can be yours, too.
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
"Maybe the sad people are the healers and the prophets. Maybe the sad people have been given a gift to see the world as it really is. And when we see the world, when we see ourselves as we actually are, we understand how desperately we need God to come and bring healing."
As I opened up facebook tonight, I was greeted by this powerful art work, done by a friend from high school that I had not talked to since, nor did I know was an artist. But, God knew. He used her, unaware, to paint this for me tonight.
He led her hands and heart to paint a message to remind me of a word, in part, He had given me, an invitation to come and follow Him. That word was given to me a year and a half ago.
"Come, follow Me,... that I might care for you in new ways, unexpected ways, in ways of new beginnings. For, Behold, I am He who makes all things new!"
This painting speaks to me on many levels. It left the axis of my heart at a standstill---gazing into its speech that poured forth for me. So much so, I struggle to begin penning the words that this speaks to me.
And so I listen, observe, and speak out that which I hear in my heart... that which I hear Him help me speak.
Sands of time. Shores of life. Waves and tides.
Ebbs and flows--- come and go.
Movement, unexpectedly.
Washing away... what remains.
Remaining still... promise and hope.
Beneath the waters unseen...
Lines of life pour forth speech.
Unforgotten, held by love,
stretching into the space
of sadness that will not loose hope.
Nothing can erase the message of My love for you.
Not the currents or waves or storms of life,
nothing can erase
My new for, you.
New.
All things- new.
I make all things, new.
New things mean, new beginnings.
Even now... tonight is a new beginning.
I keep listening...I feel the whisper of Him say;
And when the waters come... they overcome little by little ... the sands that sit upon the shores. They wash away each one that was there before, bringing new sands, for a new story to write upon. But, when they overcome, they overcome in a way that brings a depth that was not there before... and so I overcome your heart with a depth of love for Me, that was not there before. I love that you let Me overcome you with My love. For you are learning my Beloved, that when I overcome, it is with love, deep love for you, my dear one.
As the tide comes in, and with each and every movement of the water, taking back out to sea a bit of what I have written, so you too, come a little at a time out to sea, into the deep. where we together drink from those waters, anew. Writing, little by little, the story of your life, My story in your life.
I love that you come. Come to be with Me. Come to listen and let those watery tears fall from your eyes.... for Me. You know now, that I do hold them, each one of them. And with each one of them, I make something, new. My love for you is deep, as the waters that come to shore come from the deep. I outline your life in things anew, while I hold your life in my hands, shaped and formed by love.
Even now... your times with Me, are new. New beginnings of times with me, that look differently than they did the day before. I love Your, new. For you, my beloved are, Beautiful.
"Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made better." Ecclesiastes 7:3
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." Romans 12:15
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
The courage of a broken heart, is sadness.
To throw your questions - to utter disappointments - to say, "I'm sad," alone in itself--- courage.
Letting the tears fall forth, soaking memory's hidden behind the covers of your heart, that they might be softened just enough to become utterable--- courage.
To be so still that all you feel is the streaming warmth of watery tears flow down your face, the heaving motion of your belly rising and falling in jerking movements like an earthquake of emotions erupting--- courage.
The frontlines of the soul is a terrain full of treachery. Sometimes so great that one might as one does with a wild animal, deem it lost- completely unsalvageable or unredeemable.
This too, hides the greatness of ones true courage.
Frantically, one hides. Until hiding from yourself, is no longer working. Until the pressing in of unanswered questions overcomes ones overly guarded soul. Not overly guarded from the world, around you. That will all come in time. But, overly guarded from The One who made you, who knows you fully and is sitting ever so still, lovingly waiting until you answer His loving and tender wooing of gentle doves cooing to your heart.... come, let Me, listen. Let Me, answer.
It is in that moment that courage can rise. Awaken to something beautiful... where the questions are not most pressing in that moment, as much as the deep sigh, the warm knowing in a supernatural hug, that He has patiently waited for you to find the courage, to.... cry with Him. To remember He is truly trustworthy with your tears.
"You've kept track of my every loss and turn through the sleepless nights. Each tear placed in your bottle, each ache written in Your book." Psalm 56: 8
Maybe this was just the beginning. The entrance into the room in which You, Father, already know, everyone of them, already cried.
And those still yet to be, cried.
You have made a beautiful and safe, secret place for these precious waters. You have created with them, beauty, both seen and unseen. Heard in the natural, and heard in the spiritual. You. Only. Know these secret places where pools of my heart have resided with You. And you, play them back to me in ways that bring, healing. Now, its time to let more of that healing... flow. From Your river... and from the river of tears You have cried with me, for me, on my behalf.
Yes. I'll come and sit with You. I'll courageously let them fall... my tears. Knowing they are not-
in vain.
That you might awaken, more deeply.... dawn.
"Awake, my glory (my inner self) awake, harp and lyre! I will awake right early (I will awaken the dawn)! Psalm 57:8
