Finished.

Suffering. 

This suffering - is a suffering we will never be able to wrap the mind of our own wounds around. 

A suffering our wounds will never come close to enduring.

A suffering, where words- fall to the ground. 

A suffering where the song that is heard, is heard in the screaming silence of His death.

It is a suffering and death that was reserved, for Him -

alone.

Forsaken by His Father-
 so that His last words might be-

It

Is

Finished.


http://soulbreather.com/fr_blog.cfm

The music alone, created such a sacred space for me, that my heart was speechless... except for the expression of such a moment.  As you watch, I invite you to let the music draw you into the depth's of pondering-
pondering that which He did,

for you.

Forsaken

Those words, Why? Why? Why have ---You---forsaken me?

When one is crushed to go through such a cross, one will ask such a question. One will be thrust, into the darkness of such nights. Nights where even shadow, becomes hope. That hope is correct. It is in hope, that darkness will, if we let it, become our very deliverance.

For in the darkness, He is preparing for your resurrection.


Please take a moment to watch this moving video, dear friends of mine have made.

http://soulbreather.com/fr_blog.cfm

One song. One Spirit.

One song.

One worship service.

Forty eight minutes long, ...just this song. 

This is the worship, the Holy Spirit, I know... in my secret place.

I don't have the words yet to write about this.  I'm still soaking in the rain of His glory and the rain of His presence.  He is ushering in, on so many levels for me right now.  I'm replaying this song right now... His presence is still resting heavily on me right now, and it's about to rain down more again. 

This, is the Holy Spirit I know.

This, is the Holy Spirit I have tasted.

This, is the Holy Spirit that longs to camp around our lives. 

So, this is where my life, my heart, my entire being camps.  It is where warfare is done.  It is where healing and deliverance, happen.  It is where the storehouse, the floodgates of the open Heaven's above, are moved.  They are moving.  He is coming for a bride that is pure, spotless and blameless because of The Blood, The Lamb.  It is a season of stripping away.   For the glory of His resurrection has come forth.  The sheet is tearing... His glory is breaking in.  The Father is on the throne.  The Lamb has been slain.  The King is riding a white horse.  His roar is roaring in my heart, and He is coming as my Lion of Judah.  For me.  For all who have Him in their heart.

But, much is yet to be done.

IT is being done, camped around His presence.

My only longing, is to host that presence- powerfully. 

Because wherever we go we bring the Kingdom.

His Kingdom.

May I have such an encounter with Him...  that the dove remains. 

His presence, remain.

On me. 

So that, He may go forth through my life, no matter how crazy, it looks. 

I will not be ashamed of His power. 

Let it come.
******************************************************
  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7doEhwuVEOE

"Our Father" - Bethel Church

P.S. Thank you Bethel, for your abandon to His presence.  For putting this out there on youtube, for those like me, who hunger and thirst for nothing more... and who through your faithfulness to be available to His presence, allow the supernatural flow of His presence, manifest itself here in my home...  And thank you Holy Spirit, for your faithfulness... for responding to such small invitations, such as mine- to come.

Dandelions in the Wind

"You will find courage in the hour of calamity if you have disciplined your spirit to rest always in the Lord and to praise continually regardless of your circumstances.  Any lesser plane of thinking is not only disquieting to the soul but will also open the door to a host of sins. Anger, resentment, petulance, bitterness- none of which can live in an atmosphere of praise- will thrive if the eyes of the soul are diverted to the natural situation and are not fixed on Christ.  He deliberately rewards them that adore Him with mercies denied the self-concerned.   Relinquishment of burdens and fears begins where adoration and worship of God becomes the occupation of the soul."

1 Thessalonians 5:18

-On The High Road Of Surrender-

Frances J. Roberts

   

As I gaze upon the looming storm in the nearing path of this dandelion, I am stilled by its speech. 

Undeniably approaching is something so intense that nothing of such simplicity could stand a midst it.  This weed, called a dandelion, leans into pressing forces with a preparedness to deliver what it was born to release.

Standing confidently, it reaches into the very story itself.  Reaching not out of fear towards safety, but out of courage, calm, and praise.  Within these seeds, there is something yet to be said.  Somewhere yet to go.  Someone yet to teach.

In the early days of the dandelion, it is nothing more than a weed.  But in it's later days, it becomes a breathless beauty where our very breath is what releases it's very purpose.  The very winds, release it into all it's meant for.  To bring forth something, more.   Winds from the south, where the warmth of the sun and heat release the seeds.  Winds from the north, where the very intent of such winds is to bring destruction.  Still, the seeds do not distinguish from such winds.  Their very purpose is unfolded despite what winds blow them forth. 

While reading in, "Song of Songs," by Watchman Nee, I read about the north and south winds. 

"If there is a fragrance inside, outward circumstances, whether the north wind or the south wind, will only serve to bring out the smell of the fragrance.  She no longer lives according to her environment.  She can now live in any kind of circumstances.  She knows that as long as she is filled with the grace of the Holy Spirit, she can happily live in any environment.  ....The north wind and the south wind are two different environments that the Holy Spirit uses to train believers.  She has given herself to the training of the Holy Spirit.  Although the south wind is pleasant and the north wind is fierce, a person who lives in heaven does not feel the difference.  He knows that his circumstances only serve to manifest the grace of the Holy Spirit."

My life has been full of many winds.  Mostly, north winds.  And for most of those winds, I have wondered, why?  Why all these brutal, breaking, biting and bitter winds?  Will the south winds ever arrive with any intent to, stay?  As I read these words by Watchman Nee, I was so encouraged.  I was so encouraged because for the first time in my life, I began to feel privileged to have such winds come my way.  Often.  Because for the first time in my life, I have realized the gift they have been.  They have led me to, intimacy with my Beloved.  They have produced in me the kind of seeds that can only be produced from enduring such winds. 

Courage.

Calm.

Rest.

Praise.

All midst the crucible of clamoring winds. 

And, I can only hope that they have forged a fragrance of the very heaven's themselves.  A fragrance of fruits and spices that only calamity can converge together. 

The north winds facing us now, are the winds of facing foreclosure and bankruptcy.  With no idea of where the money will come from to afford a new home.  While all the details of such winds, rip against the branches of our life. 

Though tonight came the call of such a looming storm facing us ferociously, fiercely, and with finality that forges our character, here we are.

We are sitting in circumstances; who as Nee states,

 "only serve to manifest the grace of the Holy Spirit."

And so how will we sit?  How are we sitting? 

With courage midst calamity.

In rest before the Lord.

In praise continually regardless of our circumstances.

"For any lesser plane of thinking is not only disquieting to the soul but will also open the door to a host of sins."

In one last quiet reflection of the dandelion...

I will bend into the north winds.  I will allow the winds to release the fragrance of His Holy work within me.  I will allow all the seeds of those winds to freely, in abandoned freedom find their way into the lives of those whom He chooses to grace my life with.  I will bend with submitted anticipation to His glorious revealing plan, through whatever winds come.  I will reach with readiness into the realms of roaring lions, raging rivers, rugged terrains that would otherwise move to wreak havoc upon my life,.... with a resting in His presence.  A posture of praise, through the tears that will surely fall.  Waiting in the strength that comes, in worship of a God who not only knows the winds coming before they arrive, but has seen the glory of His power and purpose in them, long in advance.

I am reminded of how we love to capture the face of a child, blowing the seeds of a dandelion into the warmth of a summer's south wind.  I too - must choose to stand with the simple faith of a child holding a dandelion in my hands, blowing each one's seed, into the wind's.  So that in doing so, I might remind myself it is this stance, that one is able to lean into the north winds.

With the faith of, a child.

Knowing such seeds once again will grow another dandelion.  Midst many winds yet to come.  For that, is their occupation.   For they have something to say, somewhere to go, and someone to teach. 

And that someone, is me.

As well as, you.

Unveiled Song

My song Oh Lord,
pours forth.
Facets of your abundant Glory press against
my awakened soul,

Your presence falls over me.

Pure, fresh fallen snow
gently so gently midst the stillness in 
sacred silence, settles.


Heaven's fragrance in a fresh song of intimacy-
kisses the branches of my heart
that stretch far, into the folds of His grace.

Drawing me into Your Holy embrace
I stand, as the weight of your Glory
remains.


Unleashed is my voice before You, Oh Lord.

Leaves of my spirit usher forth, new song~
  a song of deliverance, healing and hope
  clap within the wings of Your Spirit.

You sing through the many
veins of my soul. You pour forth
Your speech. 

I lift my voice to you, Oh Lord.
As a dance of abandon my face -
raises toward the heaven's. 

Winter's watering cadence,
fragrantly falls upon my tongue;
I taste Your sweetness.  Angelic voices
rendering rhythms over
my awakened heart,
while voices stretching heavenly echo's of

"H~ o~  l ~ y ~ H ~ o ~ l ~ y,"

string sacred songs in stirrings so deep-

Your intimacy laces over me. 

My arms like branches holding all that lies
between, now stretch forth in response
to Your unfailing song over me...

raising forth from me
songs where Your Spirit speaks... that I might
know... who I am in You. 

My Lover divine. 
My Maker sublime.

Worshiper of You,


I drink in Your grace
poured, for such a time.

You my Beloved, I adore.
You my Beloved, I adore.
You my Beloved, I adore.

"Sing for joy, O heavens! Rejoice, O earth! Burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering." Isaiah 49:13

"Break forth together into singing, you waste places of Jerusalem, for the LORD has comforted his people; he has redeemed Jerusalem."  Isaiah 52:9

Camped Around The Presence

"For close to 2000 years, weekly the church has gathered around the sermon, and we defend that out of our devotion to scripture, which is right and good. But, Israel camped around the presence, and I believe that the Lord is going to help us in the last of the last days to re-learn a priority of the presence and learn how in a practical sense, to camp around the presence- to gather around the presence of the Lord, and make that one single feature the most dominant feature in our gatherings."
-Bill Johnson -Senior Pastor of Bethel Church
 "For The Sake Of The World."

For a very long time now, my heart has been burning, camped at this very place with passion, and vision for our church.  Burning in such a way that my heart has wept in the very place he speaks of, "around the presence," His presence. 

This past week I was reading about Jehoshaphat's life. As I read, I was deeply stirred, again.

"Then the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel son of Zechariah, ...He said: Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the Lord says to you: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. ...You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the Lord will be with you.

Jehoshaphat bowed with his face to the ground,

and all the people of Judah and Jerusalem fell down in -

worship before the Lord.

Then some... praised God with a very loud voice.

Early in the morning they left for the Desert of Tekoa. As they set out, Jehoshaphat stood and said, "Listen to me, Judah and people of Jerusalem! Have faith in the Lord your God and you will be upheld; have faith in His prophets and you will be successful.

After consulting the people, Jehoshaphat appointed men-

to sing to the Lord and

to praise Him for the splendor of His Holiness as they went out at the

head of the army...

As they began to sing and praise, the Lord set ambushes -

against the men of Ammon and Moab and Mount Seir who were invading Judah, and they-

were defeated.

The men of Ammon and Moab rose up against the men from Mount Seir to destroy and annihilate them. After they finished slaughtering the men from Seir,

they helped to destroy one another.

The fear of God came upon all the kingdoms of the countries when they heard how the
Lord had fought against the enemies of Israel. And the kingdom of Jehoshaphat -

was at peace, for his God had given him -

rest on every side.

2 Chronicles 20: 14, 15, 17-23, 29

As I consider the fact that we are in the end days, and the darkness is only getting darker, that means that the light will only as well, get lighter. But the question that has been begging with passion within me for sometime now...is precisely as Bill stated it,

"Where are we going to camp?"

Or, in my words; "What are we going to value most?" What are we going to choose as our, "One Thing?"

Then, I also have pondered deeply,

"What is the Church going to choose as the One Thing we must not neglect, in the days of the end?"

What are we going to see as the most vital tool we have in, standing firm in the full armor of God?"

Will we be in worship in such a way, like Jehoshaphat, that we will send out the 'worshipper's first!"

And for how long did they worship?

What did that worship look like?

What will it look like for, us?

Will there be room for those in the Kingdom that God has appointed- to be heard?

How desperately do we want rest? Do we really know where true rest is found? How and what that looks like for the individual, the church?

(Can you tell I love to ponder!)

Over the past several years, I have been in the midst of so much. Learning to be a mom, learning how to deal with broken, very broken dreams, while not being able to maintain the same level of 'ministry' I once had maintained. About 10 yrs. ago, I entered into a coma as a result of being ambushed with some debilitating news regarding the murder of my mother, 22 yrs. ago,  and my sisters sexual abuse.   As I was one with which worship was my primary language, during that long wilderness season I had lost 'my voice' to worship.   I was so paralyzed within, that primary language was frozen in trauma, so deeply that all I could do is literally sit before Him, uttering only tears as my song.  And, I could barely find songs that ushered me into the soaking presence of His Spirit.  He used a song from "The Two Towers," where it felt like angelic hosts singing over me the felt sorrow of my heart, giving expression that otherwise would have only remained as a statue of stone within.

Ten years later, this year, changed all that. I cried out to Him. For Him to know me like no one else knew me, so that I would have no need of needing anyone else to be fully known, but Him.

In that process, I found myself feeling I was, unproductive. I would sit in the midst of worship playing late at night, while I either wept, or sat silent. Washing like rain, over me the Spirit would pour down. Slowly thawing my frozen soul.

Then, He ushered into my life, a couple of dear women where the connection of our lives happened by a divine post on facebook, and another through a church I went to for a short season, and an author He ushered into my life, who also was used to recenter my heart upon the Lord's unceasing grace and mercy for me.

Peeling back the layers of pain in my heart, I realized I was completely undone.

Our son, who has a Sensory Processing Disorder, challenged my faith and ability to be a mother. I was undone trying to be a wife where our paths grew distant just trying to maintain life. We were unstable regarding the sale of our home, facing foreclosure any time. And spiritually, seeking where it was God was wanting us to be in a church.

Then, I got to the end of my self, and in anguish I cried out to Him, and I was filled in a way that I had never yet experienced, while sitting in His presence beneath the open heavens of worship washing over me.   I realized that the battle for my mind, my heart, my dreams, my very identity...was so heavy, that all I could do is sit with Him. For h.o.u.r.s!!! Literally, when my little guy went to sleep, and my husband left for his 3rd shift job, my home was finally quiet, but my mind was asleep.

I began to sense the warfare around my mind whispering to me,  "you are so unproductive."  That this sitting here doing, "nothing," in the midst of worship was selfish.  I should be folding laundry, doing dishes, tending to the chores of my life.  In the midst of the myriad of arrows and arsenal of lies pelting my soul, what the enemy wanted me to believe, was that I was not living up to being the mother and wife, I had set up for myself to be.  But, slowly something supernatural happened, and the very thing that the enemy wanted me to believe, was instead the very place of which the enemy was brought down and defeated.

It wasn't until I moved into a place of surrendered longing, sitting still in the midst of soaking and prophetic worship, that the Holy Spirit began to show me many things, like how I had misplaced my heart, somewhere other than My Heavenly Father's hands.  And that He wanted it, back.  When that happened, I was ushered into a realm of His presence that only He could have unfolded for me.   It happened all in the secret, silent, still place of choosing that '"One Thing."   Being at His feet, beneath His open heavens in surrendered worship.  And like Jehoshaphat;

It is where the Spirit of the Lord, came upon me.

It is where my "position" was, with my face to the ground.

It was in that position, I saw the deliverance of my Lord in my life.

It was where my voice that once sat silenced, was now loud and clear, in utterances and longings to deep for words.

It was through the voice of a prophet, He unfolded for me what otherwise would not have been.

It was where my worship, went ahead of the army of circumstances, surrounding me and our family.

It is where the battle, was His, and not mine.

And it was where the angelic hosts, the power of worship, ushered forth sent an ambush- against the enemy, on our behalf... that the enemy might destroy each other.

Where the enemy, was defeated.

And, for the first time in my life, where we are still midst very pressing needs, awaiting for His provision to be ushered in---

I have peace, rest on every side.

So, as we move further and further to being IN the epicenter of the end days, I have to ask myself...

Where will I be camping?

In His presence. I will choose the "One Thing," as Mary did, at the feet of Jesus. It will be the one single feature of our family, that is most dominant in our life. It will be worship, that reflects off of our armor. For it is one of our greatest weapons against warfare. We will enter into worship first, as the enemy comes against us. For he will, come.

How long will we worship?

Much longer than most do! Longer than it takes to eat a meal... for a meal with Him, doesn't end until I have encountered Him... His manifest, shared, graciously longing to sup with me, presence. For why, when He comes, would I leave after just a "few minutes," in order to tend to 'other matters' needing tended to. For what possibly could be so pressing, that I can't stay long enough to be satisfied, full?

And so, it would be less than polite of me, not to ask you the same.

Where do you want to camp?

And to further that asking---

Where will the church camp?

My unceasing prayer, is that they will not fear- His presence.  They will not miss, His Kingdom coming.  They will not worry about, "other matters," needing tending to, that will fall into their proper place after the, "One Thing," is chosen.  And, that they will get a glimpse of how powerfully the Word will and must come forth, and the fruit of what that will bring, only once we have learned how to, camp around His  presence.

A Sacred Impression

"Mommy, I need a hug." in his itty bitty longing voice, asked Seth. "Sure honey!" I replied.

Falling into my arms, he wraps every part of him, stretching himself as far as his arms can reach around me. And in a very unexpected tenderness I hear him say,

"I love your hugs, Mommy."

As tenderly as the sacrament was given, I felt the vibration of a deeper cry within me, attempt to loosen whatever kept the latched door within my heart, closed. I began to hear the pulling door, move back and forth over memories far away within me- stirring a well of tears inside.

Words of a child have never felt so, treasured. Never felt so, wanted. Never felt so, precious.

Why? Why did my heart feel such a startled feeling of, unconditional love? Longing?

"With every breath.
With every thought.
From what is seen to the deepest part.
I offer all, that I've come to be.
To know Your love, Fathering me.

With every step,
On this journey's walk,
And wisdom's songs,
That the soul has sought.
I give myself, unreservedly,
To know Your love, Fathering Me.

Father Your all I need.
My soul sufficiency.
My strength when I am weak.
The love that carries me.
Your arms enfold me.
Till I am only,
A child of God."

"Child of God"
From "Hungry"- Vineyard Music
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r3JAV2r208&feature=share

Drenched in His presence midst the wet heat of tears streaming down my face, I let this song surround my sacred soul. I remember the first time I heard it. I was unloading the dishwasher, about a decade ago. I came crumbling to the floor in sobbing tears then, too. Realizing, I did not know this love, anymore. The love, of a father.

My childhood had many hugs, by my father. They made an impression on my heart, that shaped it. Shaped it into a place where, I was indeed his "little girl." During those years, I fell in love like many daughter's do. He was my hero. But like all hero's, they hold dark secrets that are kept from little girls hearts. Until, they can no longer be kept.

Some of those secrets, are redeemed. Some, are left in the closet of darkness and shadow. And sometimes, they are the very things a daughter is carrying, herself.

It would be over the course of many decades, that the many secrets would be unveiled. And with each one, a bit of that little girl would die. Or at the very least, become numb.

Until one night, unexpectedly, her son would meekly say, "Mommy, I need a hug."

And the next night feel her Heavenly Father give her, a hug.

Streaming through scenes of sacred smiles. Scenes of heroism, both by him and by me. Scenes of chilled faces where the warmth of his coat, comforted the frost bit cheeks of a little girl. Scenes of a kiss, for the dime to get a gumball. Scenes of a generous spray of gifts beneath the Christmas tree, never knowing we were so very poor. Scenes of his being taken, far away, for a long time. Scenes of tear after tear, streaming through so many sacred miles.

"My daughter, I see every scene of your soul, dripping with unfathomable pain. I want to help you learn how to receive, My hugs. I want to Father you, in all of who you are. I want to unfold and enfold every part of your heart, that you might know My Fathering love for you. In those cracks where courage, stood alone. In those secret sacred places where hope, stood alone. In those strands of tangled and tormenting tugs of war over who your father was, and who he wasn't...I want to show you who I AM. I want to Father you, my beloved daughter. Will you let me?"

"Can I be your sufficiency?" He whispered.

And I feel all over again, a feathered breath of my sons words against my neck, "You give the best hugs, Mommy!"

Inhaling deeply while my chest heaves up and down I reply to my Heavenly Father as this song streams over my soul, barely uttering words, "You give the best hugs, Daddy!"

With every step on this journey's walk, I am learning to let my heart be hugged, again. Wisdom's song the soul has sought, is being sung through the voice of my son. While every day I give myself to him, unconditionally, unreservedly, he gives back. Over and over, again.

With every breath, with every thought, from what is seen to the deepest part, Seth offers all that he is coming to be, in the safety of my love, nurturing him. In that privilege offered me daily, I am asked the same of my Heavenly Father, "will you offer Me, all that you are coming to be?"

With each and every sacred hug he gives, my Heavenly Father is hugging me. He is allowing me through my son, to fall in love with Him again. To become, my Hero. But unlike earthly father's, He holds no dark secrets. And the secrets He does hold, are revealed in sacred shadows of beaming love through, Seth. So that, those kept in the dark, can be broken. Where once again I become, His little girl.

His strength, when I am weak.
His love, that carries me.
His arms, enfolding me.
Till I am only, a child of God.

And how do I know that every one of Seth's hugs, are making a sacred impression?

I am being shaped by them.