"You Deserved Better"

 

As I was spending time with my Beloved Jesus tonight, I began to see a picture in my minds eye.  A room.  Furniture, tables, decor all around.  It was a room from the past.  Everything in that room represented something that, no longer fit my life.  It wasn't that the things in themselves were necessarily wrong.  Actually, many at one time were exactly what I needed in some way or another. 



 What He wanted to show me, though, was that where He has taken me, has changed that which I once kept around.  What I once sat in, or set my heart upon, could no longer hold what it needed to, now.  The level of comfort I once had in those things, was no longer being met. They were in fact... keeping me stuck in a false, comfort.  Because what many of those things represented at one time, gave me comfort.  They were no longer doing so.

The past couple years, much of that room has been emptied.  As it has, it has also been stripped.  The paint on the walls, too.  I saw bricks, where cracks were within them, needing repaired.  I saw the floors, the corners of them on each side of the room.  Where dust and things had collected.  Things that had not yet been swept clean.

 

Then, my Beloved invited me to come with Him and take a closer look, at the room.  What was still needing done.  It started with a very poignant phrase:

 

"You deserved better."

Those three words, wrecked me.  I have been told that ...and when I was told that, it angered me.  I thought, "who are you to tell me what I do and don't deserve?"  I knew what I wanted, and I knew what I felt and I knew what I saw... and for you to tell me that I didn't deserve something, was not your right or your call.

But, you know what... 31+ yrs. later, they were right.  There were blind spots in the rooms of my life then, that I could not see what really lie in the corners on the floor.  Things that were secretly swept into hidden, inconspicuous places.  Or, things that were beneath and behind the painted walls of hearts, and cracks streaming through the walls of the foundation of their soul. 

Relationships I thought I wanted, needed... then.  They were so sacred to me, then.  And, over the years something of each of them, gave me both a petal and a thorn.  He loves me.  He loves me not.  He loves me.  He loves me not.  He loves me...

not.

The scent of such a relationship, coming alongside the thorns they bring, washed my heart in memories and feelings, that got trapped into the soil of my heart.  Those memories got covered over, year after year.

I watched a movie this past fall, "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower."  In it was another line that, out of nowhere ruined me. 

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

I got up and threw the towel I had in my hands, that now soaked the sobbing of tears that fell, upon hearing that line.  I went to the computer and emailed a friend and asked, "Is that one of the gifts that this movie is giving me?"

"Absolutely," he replied.

"You deserved better," said another, friend.

Then, my Beloved took that phrase and connected it to the other...

"You accepted what you thought you deserved, Dawn, because, you didn't know you deserved better."

The past two years, my Beloved Jesus, has taken me into the rooms of my life, and done a clean sweep.  And last night, we began to deal with what I deserve.  What I did and didn't get.  What He wants me to know. 

We've only just begun this part of the room.  And, I am confident that when we are done, I will have once more, grown.  Out of the old soil, and into something refreshingly new.  Because it is my Beloved, who has not only awakened me this past couple years, but has dressed me in a way I never felt, I deserved. 

He is slowly convincing me, I do. 

I am His Bride, after all.  And everything He does... is pure and blameless.  Spotless.  Just like a room getting ready to have a reception dance, should be. 

See, I think He is not just doing a thorough clean sweep, He is preparing a room.  A room just for me and Him.  Then, when that room is finally swept clean and ready... He is bringing in everything. Everything that represents who I am, in Him.  A room so completely perfect, that when He walks me in... I will be humbled beyond anything I could fathom.  I will be brought to tears, I am sure, when I see the dress He has seamlessly prepared for me.  I will be utterly speechless when I see the, purposes of that dress.  I will be utterly, ruined by His adoring and unfathomable love.  Love for,

me.

I don't think many of us have even begun to --- tap dance into such a love, even.  I don't think many of us, truly believe...

we deserve better.

Is that really, okay?  That may be a prayer, a question, you yourself, ponder.

For me, growing up with second hand clothing, and wondering all the time if it was okay to "have" what I really, wanted...went with me in everything I did. 

Until, He slowly began to awaken me to a place with Him, that showed me otherwise. 

That I deserved to be fully loved, by Him.

That I deserved to be fully known, in Him. 

I had to come to a desperate place in my life, to even begin to cry out for that.  I had to come to a place where nothing in that room, from the past... was more important to me, than my cry, for Him. 

Where everything in that room no longer fit the comfort shape, of my soul, as I needed it too. And running to them, kept me from running to Him. 

Oh... wait, listen... can you hear it?  Really, ... listen closely.  Do you hear them? 

Their wedding bells.

Um, I better get going, now.  There are things yet for Him and I to, get done.

How about you?  Will you join, me?  Will you join, Him?  He's waiting... with baited breath. 

Just for you!

Remember...

you too, deserve better!



I just listened to this tonight.  And, it speaks to that love relationship, that invitation to Him, the encounter with Him, as His daughter, as His bride.  I promise it will move you.  And, I hope and pray that you through it, will long to fall completely in love with, Him. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbzUpByf1hE




 

Unrelenting Ache

Ache-

To long for and hunger for.

That extensive, unbearable at times,

non-relenting stretching of the body and soul...

for that which we were born to have.

Untainted.

An insatiable longing for,
something more.

We are to be content.  In all things, yes.

But, never in our longing...

Never in our ache...

For Him. 

For that ache for Him, was laid within our very core.

That hallowed place within, where eternity
is set, where we have so intimately become known,

Waiting...

for Home.

"It Would Be My Joy"

He offered all of Himself, as our sacrifice.

He offered all of Himself, in obedience.

He surrendered all of Himself, in submission.

He makes that same offer, to us. 

To offer all of our self, to Him as a sacrifice.

To offer all of our self, in obedience.

To surrender all of our self, in submission.

All, to Him.  All, in.  To live our life in such a progression, that with rejoicing and delight, we finally say;

 "It would be my joy, Lord."

Fully submitted, ever and continually filled by His Spirit.  Fully surrendered where what once appeared and seemed perfectly okay, no longer holds any precedence over our life- For the further into Him we go, the less of this world satisfies. 

For each of us, the sojourn will be unique to the way we were uniquely created to fulfill the very destiny; He has set before time for us to fulfill. 

As we seek Him, and seek Him with all our hearts, we will find Him.  We will know Him.  Not just know about Him, but Know Him. 

And that sojourn will be the one that finally leads us, home.  Home with Him, here.  In this promised land of our life.  For in this life there is a promised land awaiting for us, uniquely for us, to possess.  There will be giants in the land, but we can with our surrendered heart, overcome. With our submitted heart... see His goodness in the land of the living.  For He has equipped us for only those battles He has already prepared in advance, for us to win.  Not the ones we were never meant to fight.  Not, the ones that come lived outside of sweet submission to His life in ours.

How do we ascend to such a promised land?  Listen as David, from the Psalms, unfolds this to us...

The King of Glory and His Kingdom

A Psalm of David.

Psalm 24: 2-6 

 

The earth is the Lord’s, and all its fullness,
The world and those who dwell therein.
² For He has founded it upon the seas,
And established it upon the waters.

³ Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord?
Or who may stand in His holy place?
⁴ He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
Who has not lifted up his soul to an idol,
Nor sworn deceitfully.
⁵ He shall receive blessing from the Lord,
And righteousness from the God of his salvation.
⁶ This is Jacob, the generation of those who seek Him,
Who seek Your face.

~Selah

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWCgyMaWcDs&list=RD1c0nMIfnEnM

 

Please, take a moment and pause, listen to the worship here at this link, above.  Several songs will be there to hear.  May surrender in submitting to all He has for you... come forth.

My Vital Need

As I went into my time with Jesus tonight, my heart was longing for a Word that would speak right away, and right to the place I was inside. 

I have a lot on my heart these days.  For the days to come, as we continue to move forward in the times of the end, will be changing.  As a momma, that causes my heart to wrestle.  And admittedly, wrestle with that which I refuse to make any agreements with-

Fear.

But, at the same time, I must strengthen myself in the Lord. 

I must present my fear before His Word, and strengthen my spirit within, to the truths that I know, that my soul might have no pull over me. 

The mind, will and emotions = Soul. 

Fear or faith--- both require a choice.  I either choose to move in fear, and therefore, empower it in my life.... or choose, faith.  Empowering His Kingdom and the things of  Christ Jesus to come forth in my life. 

What we make agreement with, we empower. 

My Spirit = my conscience, communion, and wisdom.  This is the place where the Lord Jesus, resides.  As my spirit is strengthened by His Spirit, through His Word, or simply spending time in communion of with Him, my choices are far more likely to lead from His Spirit within me, rather than my soul.  I walk then in a place of wisdom, strength, and in a communion of His presence.  His felt presence.  But it is in a moment of choice, that I have to choose- fear or faith.  Any choice for that matter, is met in that moment of choice... and what I spend my agreements on, will have a lot to do with what leads me. 

Personally, being in a time of worship, prayer, reading His Word, be it amongst nature I might do these things, or in the midst of the chaos around me... when I set my gaze upon Him, inquiring of Him... asking Him for strengthening, He is so faithful to do this. 

As with any relationship, when we inquire to -know- that person, and begin to unfold the layers of their innermost parts...intimacy is developed, at a level that goes deeper than just the soul.  We begin to commune with their heart.  We resonate with their very spirit. 

But to have this with the almighty Creator and God of the Universe, in Christ Jesus... well, that is another writing for another time. 

I will say this... there is no other romance or relationship, like it.

 

Tonight... I sat listening to some very moving instrumental music, decompressing.  That place where the weight of thoughts in my soul, needed washed by the renewing and strengthening in my spirit. 

 


As I was going to open the Word of God, the Bible, I wanted His word to speak in this moment, intimately and precisely to this place I have been wrestling with.  In a way that said, "I know you.. and I know what you need right now, in this moment."

And that is exactly what I was given.   Literally!  I opened my Bible, and underlined in orange marker pen, is Psalm 27.  Since it was completely underlined, I began to read it.  The first line grabbed me right away.  For it is all about fear, the enemies and wickedness of men coming against David.  But that is not all it is about.  No!  It is about the beauty and intimacy, the faithfulness, Glory and power of our Lord, in the midst of war and fear.  When a man aligns his spirit with The Spirit of the Living God, what can happen.

He is so faithful!

And so I share it with you. 

Psalm 27

[A Psalm] of David.

¹ The Lord is my Light and my Salvation—whom shall I fear or dread? The Lord is the Refuge and Stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

² When the wicked, even my enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.

³ Though a host encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war arise against me, [even then] in this will I be confident.

⁴ One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.

⁵ For in the day of trouble He will hide me in His shelter; in the secret place of His tent will He hide me; He will set me high upon a rock.

⁶ And now shall my head be lifted up above my enemies round about me; in His tent I will offer sacrifices and shouting of joy; I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

⁷ Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud; have mercy and be gracious to me and answer me!

⁸ You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].

⁹ Hide not Your face from me; turn not Your servant away in anger, You Who have been my help! Cast me not off, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation!

¹⁰ Although my father and my mother have forsaken me, yet the Lord will take me up [adopt me as His child].

¹¹ Teach me Your way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain and even path because of my enemies [those who lie in wait for me].

¹² Give me not up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen up against me; they breathe out cruelty and violence.

¹³ [What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living!

¹⁴ Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

 

The War Within

What you believe, you will manifest--- in response to all that happens to you.

And when you manifest behavior that is rooted in a belief that is a lie, that behavior will always bring the opposite of peace. It will be a behavior whose fruit is anarchy to that of the fruit of the Holy Spirit.

What you make agreement with, will be manifested in the fruit of your life. The fruit of relationships within your life. 

Where the fruit of the Holy Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, self-control, gentleness, kindness, goodness, meekness, etc. The fruit of belief's based in lies is always the opposite of that of the Spirit. Rooted ultimately in shame, rebellion and condemnation. Therein, is where the root of the war within you, comes from and is nurtured.

Unless it is dug out by the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, you will continue to wonder, why you cannot get free. Freedom comes only by way of the Spirit. The Spirit of Christ Jesus. For any other Spirit will hold you in bondage, deceiving you that it is the fault or blame of another, as to why life is such a struggle for you. And each lie you believe will empower its purpose within your mind and over your life. To kill, steal, and destroy.

It is either the cup of humility, or the cup of pride, we must choose. And the choice we make, will determine the fruit in which we bear. We will reap what we sow.

 

Autumn's Frame

Such is the mood I am in today, as I listen to this song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Hn6S2PJuI


Seth is sick with a 100 degree temp still.  He is doing a bit better overall, but this beautiful fall wind outside my window is beckoning my spirit to embrace its beauty with outstretched arms, while weaving refreshment around my spirit.  

The pull to join in the dance of leaves, frolicking in the wind from indoors is relentless.

 Just may take a short walk out there anyways. As the crisp air brings the leaves to the ground, I feel the fall of my own thoughts into the bed of contemplation to many things... things only His presence can sort through.  Such a cadence and rhythm, woo's me to gaze upward at the birthing of a fall sky that stretches across the canopy of my life. 

 Radiant colors so short lived, they are.  In the fall.

While winter edges itself slowly around the frame of autumn's door... I hear His whisper's.  And with wonder... I quietly long for solitude in His presence.

-Wait-

 

In a holding pattern I don’t understand

Longing for the runway of which I will land

Moving forward while the pattern remains

Waiting for sunshine to end the rains

I know You’ll see this through

I know You’ll take me there

I know You’ll break forth blue

And gray that lingers there

As I wait

As I wait

I will wait with You

As I wait

As I wait

I will wait in You

Circling around the terrain of despair

Shame like a snake slithers in chairs

Keeping him stuck in a stronghold of lies

Agreements made in the darkness of time

I know You’ll see him through

I know You’ll take him there

I know You’ll break forth blue

And gray that lingers there

As I wait

As I wait

I will wait with You

As I wait

As I wait

I will wait in You

For time can’t stay

the plan You’ve paved

Time can’t steal all

You gave-

To ransom me

To set me free

To bring me to my

destiny. So...

I will wait

I will wait

I will wait with You

I will wait

I will wait

I will wait in You

 

 

 

 

 

Embrace The Dance Publishing

Copyright: 2013