In the movie, "The Fellowship Of The Ring" we see Frodo determined to sojourn the quest to Mordor to destroy the Ring alone. He is at the edge of the shore as he pushes a boat into the river, jumping in. Just then, Sam running from out of the woods, sees Frodo paddling away while running towards him. Listen to what happens:
Sam: Frodo, no! Mr. Frodo!
Frodo (quietly): No, Sam (and continues to paddle away)
Sam runs into the river after Frodo. Frodo, hearing the splashing, looks back at Sam.
Frodo: Go back, Sam! I'm going to Mordor alone.
Sam: Of course you are, and I'm coming with you!
Frodo: You can't swim! Sam!
Sam struggles to swim then sinks down into the water.
Frodo: Sam!!!
Sam continues sinking deeper. He sees the sun shimmering at the surface while his arm floats descending into the water. Suddenly Frodo reaches his hand down to grab Sam's wrist. Tightening his grip, Sam holds on to Frodo. Frodo pulls him up out of the water as Sam plunges into the boat.
Sam (dripping wet): I made a promise, Mr. Frodo. A promise! "Don't you leave him Samwise Gamgee." And I don't mean to! I don't mean to.
Frodo: Oh, Sam! (they hug) Come on.
Frodo and Sam paddle towards the eastern shore.
Frodo and Sam are standing on a high hill beside a reflecting pool of water. The dark sky in the horizon is before them, while light illuminates beneath it.
Frodo: Mordor. I hope the others find a safer route.
Sam: Strider will look after them.
Frodo: I don't suppose we'll ever see them again.
Sam: We may yet, Mr. Frodo. We may.
Frodo (turns, smiling) : Sam, I'm glad you're with me.
Frodo walks onward. Sam stands for a moment, and then follows. And they head down into the rocky plates of mist beneath the illuminated mountains ahead, in hopes to fulfill their call.
It was a brutally cold night. -22 in the Shire of the Northwoods of Wisconsin. I was handed a ring of power that I had never expected to hold. I was handed a truth, I never dreamed I would see. In a very real way, it held me. For 22 yrs. it held me. But, not the same way it did now. Now, there were different questions. Different choices. And with them choices, different outcomes to consider. Each of us in this life, if lived long enough, will be given such a ring to hold. And, we will be given a choice of how it is we will carry it. To where we will carry and how we will carry, such a weight for which it will surely be.
I stood, as Frodo did, asking myself, why? Why did such a ring come to me? Wishing none of it had ever happened. But, as I was learning it was not for me to decide what happened to me, I was learning it was up to me to decide what to do with that time, given me. And like Frodo, I needed to decide whether I would get into the deep, on a boat that felt not nearly strong or big enough to carry the weight of this ring. But, a boat that would have to carry me to the next shoreline of decision. Facing that shoreline itself...carried a weight I had not expected to lift. But, in that -22 degree night, a brutal truth was cracked open for me, just as the snow cold sound of each step in that moment crunched beneath my feet, as I entered the room from which this ring presented itself.
The news came to me, on Christmas. Not in a manger. But in a coffin of information, that death attempted to conceal for 22years; and could not. My sister carried the ring of this truth for a couple months, before revealing it to me that brutally cold night. She, was like Sam to me. At times, I would be like Sam, to her. But I had to choose that, just as Sam had to choose to be with Frodo. For we were both like Frodo and Sam, at the same time, at one time or another. We both carried the weight of the ring we were given. In some ways, the same. Yet in other ways, tragically different. We however, had to decide...what to do with this time given to us.
We both at times felt...we were going it alone. While at the same time, we were both saying, 'You can't swim'. See, 22 yrs. ago, we learned to swim through currents that well, cast us into the deep of defense. The defense for innocence. We learned how to stay close, in the deep end of life and death. We learned how to hold each other up, in the currents of crashing circumstances. We learned how to survive what otherwise was meant to sever. We learned how to conceal, all the while believing we were transparently telling the truth. We learned how to keep our stories concise, while creating alibis, we had no idea we were creating. We learned much, well. We had no idea until now, what we learned.
But neither of us had ever swam such unwieldy waters. Currents cascading us into chasms and crevices, created by an evil, that walked in our very home itself. We were not given that, before. OR were we?
For the first time, the truth of what we didn't know, revealed itself in a ring so big...we were no longer able to just travail tragedy with the defense of the innocent. For we would now have to betray the very man for which we fought for, as innocent. For his guilt was now, the very ring in which we carried. And it was that ring, that truth, we needed to bring to Mordor. We needed to decide, were we going to allow, the Middle Earth of our home, family and life, continue on in a shire where life was allowed to continue on, after one life was bludgeoned and brutally shattered? All the while appearing nestled in the noble guise of a mans innocence?
In our heads, the answer was a resounding, NO! We could not allow this noble guise of innocence go, unanswered. At the same time, our hearts felt the weight of the ring. It was getting heavier, as Sam poignantly asks Frodo throughout the movie. Could we walk; scale the precipice of which we were facing? The Everest of decision before us? Emphatically we knew...our choice could be nothing less than embarking fully upon the truth, so that the truth would indeed then, set us free.
And so we did...
There were times, that night, I sunk. My sister would lovingly, courageously, reach down her hand into the abyss of my reflecting horror, and shine a beam of illuminating truth surrounded by the light of her intense love and loyalty to me. She was my bullet proof shield, of which I would no longer be for ...him. She pulled me into the boat that night...as I flangled into it with fear and trembling. I like Sam, can't swim. Growing up in the Shire like I did, I should be able. But, she can. And that night, she was my Frodo. There would be nights to come, when I would be hers.
Then there were them words, "I'm glad you're with me, Sam". Peering into such perilous portraits of the past that night, holding them up to the darkroom of portraits yet to be developed, we sat. We sat without sleep. We sat without answers. We sat with new answers. Pictures of the past, present and looming and uncertain future, presented themselves more clearly than ever. Yet with more darkness than ever, as well. We both knew...we were going to a Mordor, we never thought- we'd have to go. But, it was our choice. No one else could do it for us. And as we sat, frigid in our findings...we said to each other,...
"I'm glad you're with me, sis."
Dear Savior whose gone to Mordor,
It was the darkest of nights. And you,
were with us. Thank you!
Some, my Lord, do not have you
with them. They do not know
who you are even.
I pray now for ___________
that they might simply say,
Come in to my life, Jesus. I'm in need
of knowing you are with me. Other's,
know You, but don't know where
You are. You simply are not
seen
along the road to their Mordor.
Show Yourself to them now.
Lord...sometimes, I still
feel, like I'm
drowning.
Help me remember to
keep my hands raised, even
if
just
floating
as
Sam
did...
that you might grab hold,
and pull me up.
Help me see, when I'm being
pulled up,
that it is you pulling
me. Help me to see
the illumination of
Your love, shining forth upon
what otherwise seems,
all said and done.
I don't always
understand Lord, why
some have to go
to Mordor, and others
seem to escape it all together.
But, Lord Jesus,
give me courage to
choose,
to carry the ring,
however heavy
it may be or become... to that place from whence it must be destroyed.
Help me carry it
to the cross of-
truth
-justice
and redemptive healing.
Help me in that
perilous path, to look
to my side, and see those
who you have given me-
to go the road with me.
And most of all,
help me to see
and know,
and ultimately be able to say,
"I'm glad you're with me."
(I have traveled far, for only 43yrs. old. And I want to dedicate this writing, to my sister; Christy. She has been my companion through many wars. I want to also dedicate this writing to a few who, had it not been for them, i would not have known, Jesus was with me. Many times, Jesus shows Himself with me, through those who have traveled with me. There are a few however I want to mention by name: Steve, Ed, Diana, Brad & Lynette, Mark, Ken, Linda, and all my family. They...are the sacred souls, of whom God used to sustain me...when I otherwise would have drowned. Thank you, eternally for your gift.)
